out of the shade

written in the stars

Riki shut himself back in his room as soon as he and his dad got home that day. His heart physically ached and he just couldn't bring himself to move.

The rest of the day ticks by and bleeds into the next. Riki ignores his family's attempts to get him to eat, the long and constant vibrations from his phone followed by several more after. Sunday bled into Monday but Riki couldn't pull himself out of bed to go to school— it's not like he needed to anyway. He just shut down and that meant almost everyone was shut out with that. He's skipped both regular meals and the feeding he is supposed to have this month which has him feeling too sick and lethargic to get out of bed anyway.

He still wants to believe Sunghoon didn't mean everything that he said, that he wasn't completely blowing off what they have which is so real. The feelings between them, the connection is the most vulnerable and honest thing that he has ever felt and he knows Sunghoon feels the same or at least he did. Can all of that really just be gone because of this?

He's spent years hurting and living in insecurity; for the first time in a long time : Sunghoon— Sunghoon, Sunoo, Jungwon, Jake, Heeseung and Jay felt like a place where he didn't have to be insecure. He could be himself and they accepted him; they held him when he cried and wiped his tears, they listened to Riki open up and talk about his life and they accepted him and his struggles and the past he carried with him. They were what Riki needed— they were his people to lean on.

But after what Sunghoon said to him on Saturday and as Heeseung and Jay stood by even though Riki doesn't know if he can blame the last two that much. Internally he always knew one thing : he was still the new kid; he was still somewhat of an outsider in the group and the friendships they built even if they were warm and welcoming to him. They knew Sunghoon for years after all and maybe who Riki is just scared them off too.

Riki shakes his head to try and rid himself of the negative thought although it's hard. He tries to replay what his dad told him in the office that day, how true and certain it sounded. Riki's always been a hopeful person— he looks for the light in the dark and tries to keep his head up— he hopes that he can fix this, that he and Sunghoon can get back to what they were. But he also isn't entirely sure how when his light of hope feels like a dim, flickering bulb as waves of darkness keep knocking him down as they had for years. He stands back up in the end, he always has, but he thinks that maybe this time he's not going to be able to for a while.

𖤓𖤓𖤓

He shifts in his bed when he hears footsteps outside his room, ones he doesn't recognize as any of his family members' and he's deemed right when the door opens to reveal Sunoo, Jungwon and Jake. Riki shouldn't be too surprised seeing the Aussie here considering he was the only other person who tried to defend him against Sunghoon's enraged tirade.

He appreciates Jake doing that.

"What are you guys doing here?" Riki asks, his voice scratchy and sore-sounding as he shifts a little under his blanket. It feels weirdly cold in his room.

"We were worried about you. You haven't responded to any of us and Konon texted Sunoo and told him you haven't left your room since Saturday besides to shower." Jake tells him, his voice soft and almost honey-like as he sits beside the youngest on the bed and brushes Riki's hair back from his face.

Riki hums at the feeling of Jake's warm hand on his skin and leans up into the touch but he hears Jake gasp.

"Riki-san, you're freezing." Jake states worriedly as he moves his hand from the youngest's head to his neck.

"Is that why you're so bundled up, Ki?" Sunoo questions as he pulls the youngest up into a seated position and wraps his arm around his shoulders, "You're looking pale, too."