Love of my Life

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** one last goodbye **

"I will be there at your side to remind you how I still love you."

I'd lost Carl since Negan woke up from his dream, assuming he went back to his dream world. I wandered the streets of Alexandria, missing the homey feeling of living in this community. I stood by my grave for some time. It's still so hard to believe that my body was in there. They left my hunting knife from Glenn stuck in the dirt. Judith even drew a picture of me and her as princesses that they placed on my makeshift cross.

It was around the early afternoon when I found myself on my front porch. As I entered the house I once shared with Daryl, everything was eerily organized. I figured he would've rummaged the place like I did when Negan took him to the Sanctuary. Either way, I was proud of him for not destroying the house.

I walked upstairs to our bedroom. Daryl was lying on his side of the bed, once again fiddling with the necklace I made him years ago. I watched as he untied the knot at the top, tying my wedding ring into the cording before putting it back together. As I continued to get closer, I saw that he was crying.

Daryl sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed as he placed the necklace back around his neck. He wiped the tears from his cheeks, letting his hand linger for a moment. I wondered if he thought about when I would do that. He looked awful. He looks like he hasn't slept. Knowing Daryl, he probably hasn't. And honestly, I didn't know if he was ever going to find peace with this.

He began to sob again, the sight breaking my heart. What hurts the most was watching him put himself through this alone. I knew he wouldn't ask anyone for help. Hell, half the time it was a process to get him to ask me for help. I know he can't do this alone but he's going to make himself do it that way.

I placed my hands on his cheeks, the way I always used to. He stopped crying as hard when I did so. What shocked me, even more, was that goosebumps slowly began to rise on his arms. Daryl lifted his head, cheeks glistening, eyes red and raw. He sniffled, not that there was much room for his tears to go in his overstuffed nose.

"Don't tell me all that ghost shit she used to tell me about is real," he mumbled while looking at the ceiling. I giggled at his words, tears beginning to prick my own eyes. Daryl sighed. "I can't believe I'm about to do this. Belle..." he trailed off, doubt clear in his expression.

I knocked a few times on his bedside table, causing his head to dart towards the noise. He was astonished.

"B," he said through a new wave of tears, "are you here?" I knocked on the table again. Daryl let out a small sigh he didn't realize he was holding. "Can we talk? Once for yes, twice for no."

I knocked once.

"I promised you we'd make it," he muttered lowly. "It's my fault."

I knocked twice. This wasn't his fault. Classic Daryl to take the blame. He sighed again.

"Are you the one making my face cold?"

I knocked once, taking my hand off his cheek.

"Leave it," he said. "I like knowing you're here." I smiled, placing my hand back where it was. "Are you okay?"

Once. He began sobbing again. I wondered if he ever stopped these past few days.

"You weren't supposed to go out like this," he cried. "You were all I've ever had. I don't want to do this without you." Daryl forcefully wiped his tears from his cheeks again. "I miss you."

I knocked four times as if saying, "I miss you, too." He nodded slightly before lifting his head. He looked around the walls and ceiling, the color of his eyes a deep blue. They were swollen and nearly closing in on themselves due to exhaustion. I leaned down and placed my lips over his. I couldn't feel him, but I knew he could feel me.

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