Lazarus

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"Look up here, man, I'm in danger."

Daryl never really liked when I would be on him in the morning. He loved being close but I understand that I could be overbearing that way. This morning was different. Very different.

We basically remained unmoved from when I finally fell asleep in the middle of the night. I kept the same blank stare that I had last night, now it was just at the wall instead of the ceiling. Daryl was quiet above me. He was awake, I could hear it in his breathing. He held me a bit tighter than normal. I was more than okay with that.

"What're you thinking about?" he gently asked.

"This," I muttered. "Just...right now. You holding me." I sighed softly. "I won't have that tonight."

Daryl sighed also, securing his hold on me.

"I'm sorry, Belle."

"I know. I don't want you to be sorry just because I'm upset. You're allowed to make your own decisions."

"I'm sorry because I know this isn't what you want," he said. "You're allowed to be upset, B."

"I'm scared, Daryl," I admitted, my voice wavering and tears filling my eyes. "We're getting into something that we're not ready for."

"I know."

We left it at that. I didn't mind. I'd rather just be here in his company while I have it than spend it having a dreadful conversation about the future. I trust him and I know he'll come back. It's the situation Rick got us into that worries me.

We spent a great amount of time close like this until the group going on this trip was getting ready to head out. I helped them make sure they had everything.

"I trust you but please be extra careful. If you think I would yell at you for something, don't do it. Got it?" I practically begged Daryl with my hands on his shoulders. He nodded.

"I promise."

He gave me the tightest hug, both of us burying our face into the other's neck. It was so, so comforting. I just need to breathe. I know he'll come home. He gave me a strong kiss before we parted.

I went over to Carl with my arms wrapped around myself. He watched as I walked over.

"Yes, Belle, I'll be careful," he said before I even had a chance to open my mouth.

"Listen here, you little shit," I snickered, pulling him into a hug, "you already lost an eye when I couldn't be there. I don't want you losing anything else. You're smart, so think before you do something stupid."

Carl hugged me back tightly. I felt him nod against my shoulder.

"I will," he agreed.

"I love you, kid."

"I love you, too."

***

I agreed to take care of Judith while everyone was gone. It was nice to be able to spend time with her. She's grown up so much and it's crazy to think about.

The group came back later than I expected which was a relief after worrying about them constantly. They seemed okay, but okay was a relative term. I didn't ask Daryl about it and he didn't say anything. I think that was better for both of us.

I remember that the morning after we were very happy together. We were making breakfast and goofing around. I told Daryl that I was stepping outside for a moment but I stopped when I opened the door. 

There was a small tupperware with a note attached to it labeled "Daryl and Belle." It said:

I'm sorry that I have to go. I can't keep killing innocent people. I love you both. Don't come looking for me.

Carol.

I picked up the container and saw cookies inside. I stared at the two items in shock and sadness. I brought them inside to Daryl. We both lost any ounce of playfulness after that.

The energy in Alexandria had been off since the raid and I tried to ignore it, though I knew I couldn't. Something happened with Daryl and Rosita on the outside. Denise got an arrow to the eye out there and I knew Daryl would never have done that. He didn't even have his bow but it was sure as hell one of his arrows. He didn't want to talk about the incident and I never asked.

He was more restless after that and I was scared to confront him about it. He disappeared one day and I never had the time to figure out where he was. Something was going on with Maggie and her pregnancy and, since we didn't have a doctor anymore, we had to bring her to Hilltop. Me, Rick, Carl, Abraham, Eugene, and Aaron all boarded into the RV to take her.

Any road we took, we were stopped by a group of Saviors. We didn't know how they knew where we were going or how they found out in the first place, but we were completely trapped.

We eventually had to start traveling on foot, trying to avoid them. There were too many. It was pointless. They whistled two ominous notes, over and over again. They filled the air with this symphony of dread and horror. I was scared. I'm sure we all were. And through all of this, I had absolutely no idea where my husband was.

We made it to this clearing but they were all there. We were surrounded. There were so many of them. They stripped us of our weapons and forced us to our knees. I was sat next to Abraham. I felt so close to hyperventilating. I was fucking terrified.

Someone opened the back of a van and pulled out Michonne, Daryl, Rosita, and Glenn. From what I could see, Daryl was bleeding from his shoulder. I wasn't even able to go to him. We were separated and would be for some time. Everyone was breathing heavily. The dread was so, so tangible.

There was a man standing in front of us with receding, gray hair and a thick handlebar mustache. He said his name was Simon. He was telling us all about Negan and the Saviors. I couldn't focus on his words. Everything was so jumbled to me. But the four words he stated for an introduction were clear as day.

"Let's meet the man."

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