autism, school, love, and a little bit of trouble

𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏

𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚 𝒊𝒎 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔..

𝑽𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒂𝒏

The car ride to my place has been silent for the past seven minutes (yes, I'm counting.). I just want to know what he's thinking. Now I just feel like he regrets our kiss, taking me to his aunt's place, maybe even our friendship. He just looks worried, which makes me worried. I'm not just thinking about the fact that we kissed, I'm thinking about how maybe we just ruined our friendship. What if we never speak again. I imagine Leo dropping me off, saying goodnight and blocking me, on his phone and in real life. We'll never speak again, and we'll be sad every time we think about each other. 

"Vivian I can hear your thoughts." He laughs. 

"Oh, sorry." I hate how small I sound. I didn't do anything wrong.

"Bug, I think we should talk at your place. I just need this time to think."

"Okay." Somehow my overthinking only gets worse.

It's getting harder to ground myself and run away from my thoughts. I feel like crying, but I refuse to look vulnerable. My thoughts go through each way this night might end and still I have hope that maybe, just maybe, it'll go the way I want it to. My hope dies as soon as I start thinking again. I replay our dance, the way he looked at me when we kissed. The way he kissed me three times, just to make sure it was real, to seal in his mistake. 

What if I'm his mistake?

We're getting closer to my house and the emptiness in my stomach only gets deeper. I feel like a kid in my mom's dress and heels. I'm hungry. I want to hug my mom. I want to binge movies with my dad. I want to Leo to talk to me. 

I unlock the door to my place and let Leo in. He's behind me and he shuts the door and locks it. I'm trapped against my door. He's out of breath. 

"Leo?"

"Do you know how hard it as for me not to talk to you in that car. That was definitely the longest car ride of my life."

I laugh and all my worries melt away. 

"I was worried. I thought you regretted it."

"Regret? I don't think I've ever felt that around you." Is he being serious?

"Really?"

"I don't even regret knocking you unconscious with that football."

"Clearly you should stick to volleyball." I wrap my arms around his neck, and he holds my waist.

He kisses my lips, then my cheek, my forehead, my nose then my eyelids. I giggle and he smiles against my lips. 

"What about Rome?" He asks. giving me chaste pecks. 

"Rome?" His grip on my waist tightens slightly. Possessively. 

"Mhm." his kisses are becoming deeper.

"I'd have to talk to him." I say as soon as I can.

"Mm." My breath is picking up and so is his. My hands find their way to his hair lacing though it. He pulls away needing to catch his breath, and so do I.