Dear Diary,
2024 isn't off to a beautifully blood-filled start. My base got blown to pieces by my muffins - the victims did too, I suppose, so it isn't a complete loss on my part. But still, it isn't great. I'm currently living in my uncle's holiday home, which isn't all that bad really. It's got a pool, a good supply of weaponry, a shower with a slightly spiky curtain. I'm hoping to add some finishing touches so it'll be less holiday and more horror. The worst part about my lair being destroyed is that I'm actually vulnerable to being caught - I know Diary, it's such a shame.
But I am glad about one thing. Yesterday I went to see a psychic because my uncle told me to, he said it'd be good for me to interact with someone non-murderously (what a change!). And she said that my diary entries from this year would become famous on an unspecified online writing website for non-traditional authors! I think the website was called Pattwad, or something similar. Weird name, if you ask me. Why not something more word-themed? It's probably a vague memory that got a bit twisted. Wow! 2pm already, time to play some cricket!
Later that afternoon...
Hello again Diary, I have returned! Did that sound evil? Yeah? Great. I won the game for my team, the Heartless Hawks, and I even managed to kill someone inconspicuously! How, you may ask? By hitting them over the head with a cricket bat, duh! That should've been obvious, even to an inanimate object like you. Honestly, we need to educate these blank pages of paper and teach them how to recognise a murder method! Ahhh, I'm tired. Off to bed I think, for a lovely dream of murder and kidnapping. That's the plan!
Actually, no. It's time for food, and then sleep. I'm a simple man you see. My schedule is almost identical each day; Wake Up, Eat, Murder, Enjoy a Hobby, Murder some more, Eat again, Sleep, Repeat!
I love my life. Bye diary, I love you. And also hate you, you stupid book.
STAI LEGGENDO
Muffins, Murders and Mischief
UmorismoWhat's the best way to murder someone? With a muffin. At least, that's what a comedic and often psychotically wholesome serial killer says. I wouldn't trust that guy though, seems a bit dodgy if you ask me.
