"Yes, yes, yes!" I'm grinning as I speak. What fun it is, being a murderer with no government supervision - can't believe some sickos would try and persuade me to ally with the people who say murder and kidnapping is wrong. It's the best part of my week, if you don't count the aforementioned Friday afternoon cricket matches. Those really are something special. Oooh yay, my victims look tired! Now I can taunt them even more.
Heavy amounts of taunting later...
Aha! It's almost midnight - this can only mean one thing. It's time to go and watch the cricket! Wait, no. That's tomorrow, oops. Oh that's what I was going to say - time to deploy the muffins! Fly, fly my beautifully venomous muffins! Hahaha, this is such good fun. Phew. I almost fell off the safety-violating platform there. Should probably get a handrail, not that many of my hostages have hands once they leave; that's if they even leave at all. Welp, guess it's time to welcome the new year in, fashionably precise in timing. Being late is atrocious, just think of all those poor desperate little victims who see me as their last hope, thinking that I'll show a small bit of remorse. Nah! I prefer just sitting back and sipping some *borrowed* champagne. Definitely not stolen. Nope. Couldn't be me.
"Hey, you in the red shirt! Let's count down to 2024 together!" I start chuckling manically - I'm about to execute my master plan. Oh, and the wannabe escapists too. You see, I've planted tiny caviar flavoured bombs in those muffins, which are currently not activated. But as soon as the clock strikes midnight - they'll all detonate in perfect synchronization. Blowing themselves, the victims, the supports holding up my lair, to pieces. Hmm - why did I say about the supports in the script? Eh. Probably a small mistake.
"10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!! Happy New Year - or should I say, Happy New Fear!" I'm so hilarious, honestly. I should have made my name as a comedian. This is-- wait why is my roof getting closer to my head!! Maybe the warning about my infrastructure wasn't an error! I need to get out of here!!
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Muffins, Murders and Mischief
HumorWhat's the best way to murder someone? With a muffin. At least, that's what a comedic and often psychotically wholesome serial killer says. I wouldn't trust that guy though, seems a bit dodgy if you ask me.
