everything about you •• jj maybank

twenty four

My vision was blurry watching the first responders lift John B into the ambulance on the gurney. His eyes were pinched shut, and they had an oxygen mask over his face. The doors were pulled together, and in a moment, they were driving off, the sirens echoing in my mind as we all stood in fear, watching them appear further and further from us.

Sarah had gone with him. Nobody else obliged. We didn't really have the words to do so anyway. We were all standing in shock as Sarah sobbed over John B, leaving kisses on his lips every now and then.

My mind was spinning, my head aching as I thought about Topper being responsible for this. I almost couldn't believe it, but Topper was so unpredictable these days.

"I should go," I finally managed to choke out, letting go of my necklace as I came back to reality.   JJ's pained eyes were focused on mine and he shook his head. "I really should, I need to go- I just have to get home. I'm really sorry," I rambled on, running my hand through my hair as I started to turn around and go towards my car.

"Josie, don't go," Pope begged, his head going back and forth as he pleaded with me.

"No I need to go find my brother, I just can't be here right now, I shouldn't be here."

My hand clawed at my chest as it heaved up and down. I wanted to cry, but for some reason, I couldn't. I started to walk away and ignored their calls after me, my head set straight on getting to my car and getting myself home as quickly as possible. I didn't belong here. I needed to get away from them. I needed to go back home and stay there.

"Jo, wait up!"

I kept walking, my footsteps getting faster and faster as I got closer to my car. I didn't want to stop, I needed to keep going. My heels were slowing me down, though, and I felt his hand grab my wrist, pulling me back.

"JJ, please. Let me go, I have to go-"

"Can you just stop for a second?" he asked me, releasing my hand and shoving his hands in his pockets. "This isn't your fault, you know that right?"

I didn't respond, just stared blankly at him. How did he know that's what was running through my mind?

"It's not your fault that this is happening, Josie. You can't control your brother. Okay? Don't go thinking it's your fault and go all AWOL on us."

I could tell he was anxious right now by the way he couldn't stay still and his nose kept crinkling up in a sniff every few moments. He was trying to keep himself calm, but he was worried about his best friend. We all were.

"I didn't try hard enough looking for him. He was drunk and I needed to find him, but I gave up," I admitted, my voice shaking as I spoke. "If I just kept looking for him, maybe I could have stopped it."

JJ's hand ran through his hair and he sighed, taking a step forward and grabbing my head gently. A hand on each side of my head, he stared into my eyes intensely. "Listen to me, Jo. This is not your fault. This is Topper's fault. You are not your brother."

"But-"

"No but's," he cut me off forcefully, his jaw clenching and unclenching, "John B is gonna be fine, okay? And you need to stop trying to fix everything. You can't fix this, you can't fix Topper or what he did. Don't go home, just come back to the Chateau and I'm sure Sarah will text you with updates on John B, okay?"

I grabbed his hands and held onto them, inhaling slowly to try and catch my breath. "JJ, I want to be anywhere except for home right now, but I'm grounded. I have to be home, I have to get the car home."

He sighed roughly, and shook his hair out of his eyes again. His hands slowly left my face and I almost frowned at how cold my skin felt when he let go.