Escape || Cole Walter

Twelve

•••nineteen•••
TW- panic attack

Cole and I completely avoid each other at all costs for the next few weeks. I almost avoid everyone in that damn house except for a limited list of people. Katherine, Danny, my sister, Nathan, and Alex are about the only ones I find myself being able to talk to right now. For some reason Issac and Lee still are holding a small grudge against my sister and I. Sometimes, it is fine and we are all laughing together, but others they just won't talk to us at all.

I started showing up to the dance classes at school, giving the most minimal effort I am able. I just need to get through this to prove somehow I am really fine. Somehow I need to prove to Katherine and counselor Tara that I am doing well. I never went back to the dance studio, which I know is bothering Katherine, but I'm trying my hardest and she also knows that.

The only ones here who really know about my dancing are Cole and my sister.

It is starting to get colder, with Thanksgiving in just a few weeks. All of the holidays are beginning to roll around, and it is slowly becoming one of my least favorite times of the year.

It never occurred to me in the past couple months that this year I would be facing the holidays, which I hold so dear to my heart and memories, without my family. It is still bizarre to even think about.

Today is my sister's birthday. And not my sister Jackie. It's Lucy's birthday. The tenth, she's turning nineteen. She would be turning nineteen.

She's never going to be able to get to that age. She'll be stuck in time forever, and soon I will be older than she ever was. The concept is disturbing to think about, but I find my mind crosses it very easily.

In memory of her, I stand on my tiptoes, trying to get a box down from one of the large shelves in Jackie and I's room.  Right as it about comes crashing down, Alex comes up behind me and lifts it right out of my hands, helping me the rest of the way down with a groan.

"Almost lost ya there." He laughs, handing me the box.

"Oh come on now, I'm not that easy to get rid of." I joke back with a small smile.

"You and Jackie are finally unpacking?" He asks me. I look towards her bed where she sat not even ten minutes ago. Now it is absent, and only Alex and I are in the room.

"I guess so." My voice is skeptical, because that's not what I'm actually doing. I'm getting something specific, for Lucy.

"Oh wow, this is really nice." He says, looking into the box eagerly. I nod, looking at the baby blanket that keeps all of the breakables inside safe. He pulls out my teapot. "What is this?"

"Okay, thank you Alex, see you downstairs." I move on from his question and he leaves immediately. Looking down at the teapot my eyes fill with warm tears from the memories associated with it. For as much as I think I can shove them away, I can't.

Taking the teapot downstairs, I hold onto it closely, shoving it against my chest just in cases something were to happen. As usual, everything is chaos downstairs in the morning. Katherine is scolding Lee about his unhealthy breakfast when I walk in.

Looking around the room, Jackie sits at the island with a piece of toast. "Good morning." I whisper to her. The entire mood between us is completely awkward but I just ignore it, setting my teapot next to the sink.

"Good morning!"Katherine turns to me as I pour a glass of coffee. "Oh, I got you some more tea bags. They are in the cabinet right next to the coffee beans."

"Thank you." I say, turning and opening the cabinet door while crouching down. I'm glad she finally was able to get them, I asked her a couple weeks ago so I could prepare for today.