The next couple days, I try keeping to myself the best I can. A small wave of depression hits me really hard. Spending the rest of the weekend in my bed is the easiest thing for me to do. Sometimes Jackie came in and talked to me, which actually helped a little. It feels like we are very slowly getting closer.
I've always struggled with depression, but now it looms over me all the time. For as much as I seem like I don't care, that's just acting. But I would never admit that to anyone.
Danny, Nathan, and Jackie are about the only three people I would talk to during the couple days. Alex came to check on me, but I didn't really want to talk to him. Being with Alex takes a lot of thought.
It can be pretty draining when the conversation is always full force. There is joking sometimes, but it feels forced to laugh. Alex is a great person to have around, just not when you're feeling extremely drained.
With Danny, I would meet him on the couch in the middle of the night because I could barely sleep. We would sit in silence and watch old movies and plays together. It was completely perfect because I could tell we are completely comfortable with each other.
Now, finally getting out of the house and doing what I've been dreaming to do, I am going on a long hike, far away from the house. I asked Grace for a ride, and just to get out of her toxic house, she agreed.
The sky is completely blue today, and the wind is blowing perfectly. I am hoping that this gives me some peace of mind before I have to finish this week of school. We have a meeting with student council tomorrow to figure out what to do at the rally for homecoming to fundraise. Jackie and I have been talking it over, and a silent auction is our best bet.
I know that it was bothering Katherine that I wasn't coming out of my room, but she gave me the exact space I needed.
The evergreen trees are the darkest green I've ever seen them all the way out here, and the other trees are just barely starting to turn different shades of red and oranges.
Taking a deep breath, I start off on my first real hike. All that is on my mind is trying to get through this, and how beautiful the scenery around me is.
I can't imagine growing up somewhere this beautiful. All I can think about is leaving everything behind and spending every day like this.
Having people to spend it with sounds even better though. I wish I could've convinced Jackie to come out here with me.
I know that if Lucy was here, she would absolutely love it. If dad was here he would be freaking out about all the things we forgot and how far the trail goes, but I know that he would actually love it.
The fact that I have no choice over my life or anything I am doing at the moment makes it seem like these last two years in high school are going to be a lot longer then they actually will be. I know that I just have to hold on. I don't have to do anything out of the way for anyone. I just need to keep my mind clear enough to get through this. I can go on autopilot if I need, and I can be emotional if I need to. Reminding myself that I'm in control is all that matters right now.
Nature is such a beautiful outlet that I've never even realized before. I can see myself spending a lot more time out here now that I know what awaits. For even thinking about how I have no idea what I'm doing, my mind is the most at peace it has been in months.
By the end of the hike, all I know is, what comes will come.
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that's not my fav chapter at all, but I wanted it to be a little clarifying for her and I want her to have a connection with nature :)
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Escape || Cole Walter
Fanfiction"You know New York," "What is it now cowboy?" "I would love to escape with you" ••• After Elle and Jackie's family died in a car accident, they have to go live with their mom's best friend who has a house filled with kids. Including six teenage b...
