The Cellar

The Cellar (18)

He rolled over and pulled me onto his chest. “You okay? Does it hurt? You’re not still in pain are you? I’m sorry Sum; I really didn’t want to hurt you.” He rambled, grimacing at the thought of hurting me. He looked into my eyes and started stroking my cheek.

“I’m fine.” It still hurt but it wasn’t unbearable, it was actually kinda nice in a strange way. I pressed my body against his and buried my head in his chest, breathing in his smell. “I love you.”

His arms tightened around me, “I love you too.”

I cried harder remembering how it felt. If I get out of here will it ever feel like that again or will I always feel dirty and used? Will I ever be able to let anyone close to me again? Right now I couldn’t but would that change in time? If it was Lewis?

I buried my head in the soaking wet pillow and squeezed my eyes closed; I just wanted to stop thinking, to stop picturing him over me, that look in his eyes and his disgusting smile. I wish I’d have tried fighting. Him killing me is not the worst thing he could do, I just wish I’d realised that before now, but if I do something to get him to kill me then I’ve given up on getting out of here and being with Lewis again.

I curled up in a ball, making myself as small as I could and wrapped my arms around my legs. I cried until I’d run out of tears and my throat burned. Eventually I was so worn out I fell asleep.

Poppy woke me up in the morning, I automatically tensed up and I started feeling sick at the thought of seeing him again. “Shh, it’s okay, don’t cry,” Poppy said, putting a glass of water on the small table beside my bed and wiping the tears from my face. It was useless though, I couldn’t stop them falling. I pressed my back against the wall and tried to concentrate on breathing, I was terrified of seeing him again. “He’s gone already, its okay.”

“W-what,” I croaked, blinking hard to try and clear my vision.

“He’s already been for breakfast; we told him you weren’t feeling well. Do you want anything to eat?” I shook my head. I felt so sick still, there was no way I could eat anything. “Okay, I’ll leave you to sleep. Call me if you need anything,” she said as she walked out of the room and closed the door.

I laid down and stared at the wall. My whole body was aching and my chest felt tight from crying so much but the physical pain was nothing compared to he’s made me feel. About two hours later I couldn’t stand it anymore, I could still smell him on me again, even though I’d showered for ages last night. I practically ran to the bathroom, ignoring Rose, Poppy and Heather staring at me.

I turned the shower on as hot as I would go and sat on the floor. The water burned my skin as it ran down my body but I didn’t care, all I wanted was to wash away the memory of what happened. I sat in the shower for as long as I could stand it. When I got out I wrapped a towel around myself tight and stayed as far away from the mirror as possible, I didn’t want to look at my body.

“Lily are you okay?” Rose said softly as I walked out of the bathroom. It took me a second but I finally forced my head up to look at her. She winced slightly; I bet I look a real mess. I shook my head at her and walked back in the bedroom, gripping the towel, I should have brought a change of clothes but I just didn’t think about it.

As soon as I’d changed into some pyjamas I got back in bed, my hair was wet but my pillow was still soaked from crying so much so it didn’t care. I heard crying coming from the other room, I didn’t recognise the voice so I guess it was Heather, I pushed my face in the pillow and pressed my hands over my ears, trying to block the noise out.

“You should really eat,” Poppy said, sitting down on the bed, making me jump. “Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you. Can I get you anything to eat or drink?” I shook my head and continued staring at the same spot on the wall.

She sighed, “It will get better I promise, you won’t always feel like this.”

“Wont I,” I said, not moving my eyes.

“You won’t. It gets...bearable. I hate it too Lily, you just need to find something to focus on while it’s happening. I think about what I want my life to be, for those few minutes I’m in a different place.”

“What do you want your life to be?” I whispered, needing her to talk about anything that would stop me thinking about it.

I saw her smile out of the corner of my eye. “Happy,” she said simply. “I live in a beautiful cottage, with Ivy growing up the walls and around the windows. The garden is equally as beautiful with colourful flowers and a vegetable patch. My husband’s a great man who works hard to support his family and I stay at home with our children. I imagine what my pregnancies would be like and how our children would look, family holidays and playing in the garden. We’re happy you know, really happy.”

I managed to smile a little. “That sounds nice.”

“It’s silly I know but a family and nice little house is all I’ve ever wanted.”

I shook my head, “It’s not silly and you can still have that.” We just need to get out of here first; maybe Heather will be willing to help me do something to him?

She sighed and the happy smile left her face, “I can’t, it’s just a dream.” She squeezed my hand and started to walk out. “I’ll bring you some water and a sandwich, you need to eat something.” I started crying for Poppy as well, what she wants really isn’t that much. How can he think it’s okay to take that away from her? I clenched my hands into fists, I hate him so much. I needed to take control; with Heather, and maybe Poppy’s help we could to kill him?

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Kirsty - Did that make you feel any better? He don't last long lmao!!!