Isadora's life has been a series of unfortunate events. Raised in the presence of an abusive father and tragically losing her mother due to the resulting trauma, Isadora finds solace in distancing herself from her once cherished religious beliefs.
...
"Thank you, sister," I forced a strained smile before shutting the bathroom door. Alone, at last, i breathed out.
'I don't need God or his son,' i thought bitterly to myself. Being a believer and a soldier for Him wasn't something I'd do again. When I needed Him the most, He never showed himself. He made me suffer when I was the most innocent.
They said he loved us but I didn't see that in my years of serving, worshipping and praising him. When my faith was wavering, I tried staying strong but he never came to my rescue as Father Mark, my father in the lord always preached about.
If he really loved me as he said, I wouldn't have had to go through all he allowed me go through. What kind of a father lets their children suffer?
As I grew older I realized it was better living in the world and doing things that are.... Sin, that's what his words, the Bible, calls it.
I began finding solace and pleasure in things my stepmom and Reverend father told me not to find peace in. I lived for and in the world, and I came to the conclusion that it's better to sin and face the consequences than to worship every day, living a humbled life and suffering. That isn't fair. I sighed, my heart heavy with unresolved conflict and buried sorrows.
The bitterness swirled within me, as I grappled with my feelings of abandonment.
As i finished my bath, the warm water still clinging to my skin, i quickly dried my body and slipped into an oversized shirt and padded over to my bed.
There, resting on my nightstand, i found a small piece of paper with a familiar bible quote, scrawled upon it. "Astra" I mumbled as I picked it up.
But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. —Hebrews 11:6
With a heavy sigh, i crumpled the note and crawled under the protective covers of my bed.
My mind was consumed by the looming horror of my impending marriage to a man twice my age, orchestrated by my own father. One of the reason I lost believe in God, because if he did love me as he claims then Why? 'Why did he give me such a vile man as a father?' I mused aloud, the pain evident in my voice. "Why did he take my mother away from me?"
Tears welled in my eyes as i wrestled with the memories of my tumultuous childhood, grappling with a world that had been so cruel to me.
"Whatever relationship I shared with the sky king was over," i whispered bitterly. I am going to keep fighting the world, alone, just the way I've been doing for years.
I buried my face in the pillow, my sobs filling the room, the sound muffled but piercing. I allowed myself to slip into the dark embrace of sleep, seeking solace in its temporary reprieve.
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