He falls first, boss x assistant, roommates.
Cassandra has been working for Ryder Lockhart for years now as his assistant.
It was inevitable that long hours together didn't turn their strictly professional relationship into a trusting friendship.
S...
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I shut my eyes and hide my face deeper into Ryder's chest while allowing myself to cry. His strong arms wrap around me in a tight and soothing cocoon, holding me together. The gesture along with the loud beating of his heart allows me to break down again. But this time, I don't feel as helpless as earlier. I feel safe.
I haven't stopped crying since I found Carter cheating on me yesterday. I don't get where all the tears are coming from, but once I feel like I can't burst into tears anymore since I'm depleted, something painful and frightening twists in my chest and my eyes prickle all over again.
A feeling of loneliness, fear, and helplessness has been my company since I stormed out of the apartment and walked around the park for hours.
When night fell, I knew I had to find a place to stay even though I didn't feel like moving. I couldn't go back to the apartment to face Carter. I didn't even know what to tell him or how to react.
Some part of me was scared to return and face him. He'd been bombarding my phone since yesterday and I haven't found the courage to pick it up yet. I can't even bear the thought of reading his messages. I'm petrified to hear his excuses and forgive him.
The fear of loneliness might win over respect.
And Carter is one of the few people I befriended upon coming to this new city 4 years ago. It's hard to break ties when you don't have many people to count on or fall back into.
I'm starting to realize why people don't leave hard situations. Why they keep forgiving their cheating ex, or their abusive ones. Especially if they don't have someone helping them up.
It's comforting to know where you stand and what will happen. Even if it isn't something healthy. It's much easier than facing the unknown and lonely world all by yourself. It takes more energy to start all over again. Energy you don't have at this point, it seems pointless to even try.
The frightened part of me wants to hear Carter and go back to him only because then I'd have someone next to me in this big city. I would have a place to live. It wouldn't be the same in our relationship, but the shifts wouldn't be as consuming as starting over. Like trying to open up to new people or finding a nice place to live while also juggling with all the debts I have.
But then, a stronger impulse stops me every time from answering his calls or reading his messages.
Even though I feel scared, broken, and shocked at everything that has occurred in the past 18 hours, I can't deny there's a slight freedom too.
I might be sweaty with nerves or disappointed, but I don't feel like I'm drowning anymore. Not since I removed Carter's ring off my finger.
And I also know that I can't be with someone who cheats on me and happens to be in love with someone else.
I can't do that to myself.
Not when the foundation of Carter's and my relationship revolved around respect and tenderness.
