Foolish one

Chapter 24

Dear mom

Everything has been going great for the last couple of months. I told you about Jorge Vilda and the strange things he has been doing towards me. He has been texting me a lot, talking about how happy he will be when we have the next camp. I hate him mom, but enough about that. I am going on vacation in four days. Some of the teammates are going to Ibiza together. It is me, Alexia, Mapí, Patri and Ottilia, I think. I also think some other friends of Alexia are going to be there, like previous teammates.

It is going to be fun to be able to relax without the pressure of everything. I have started playing without my sleeves and that earned a lot of attention from the media. They were asking so many questions about everything. I was lucky Alexia was there with me and said I would be talking about it when I felt like doing it. Afterwards I gave her a big hug. I can't believe I have feelings for her. She is my teammate, and I would never make a move on her. Above all she is way too good for me.

I mostly agreed to go on said vacation because of her. I also wanted to tell you something else mom. I am six months clean from my self-harm. Even though I still get the urge I manage to keep calm and distract myself with other things. I hope you would be proud of me.

The last thing I wanted to say was that I got some tattoos for you. One says, "to the moon", just like you always used to say. The other one is my favourite flower, as well as yours mom. I got another one for myself, to remind me that I am good enough, and to always love myself.

Love you mom

11th of May 2018

After writing the letter I called Alexia. She had offered to help me pack for the trip and I needed some help. Ten minutes later she knocked on my door. Her hair was still wet from a shower, her hair was darker than usual. It was closer to black than it's usual lighter tones. She looked even better than usual. And that was saying something.

"Are you going to keep staring at me or are you going to let me in" Alexia said cockily. "Who said I was staring?" I responded in that same cocky tone. "Your eyes told me that" she said before walking inside. I felt my cheeks heating up and I felt my face turning red. It was a bit embarrassing.

Casually she made her way inside my bedroom and started sorting through my wardrobe. Everything she wanted me to bring got thrown on my bed. "Since when do you have lingerie?" Alexia asked me, laughing loudly. My cheeks got even darker, and I knew Alexia could see that. "Since when is what I wear any of your business?" I responded, grabbing my underwear in the process. "Don't be embarrassed Isa, you can wear whatever you want" Alexia said while continuing to go through my drawers. "I know that Ale, thanks for reminding me" I answered sarcastically. 

After an hour or so Alexia had managed to fit everything in the biggest suitcase I owned. It was a wonder she managed to get everything down in it. Alexia had packed me so many different outfits that you could think we would be gone for a month rather than a week. "Why did you pack me so much stuff Alexia?" I asked her. "So you would have options when you decide what to wear" she answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Well, you need to open it up again because I need my medicine in it" I told her. "Fine" she complained and opened the bag.

Sometimes you thought she was five years old instead of her 24 years. It was kind of cute, how we could connect with each other, even though she was five years older than me. This time I needed to help her close the bag. I had packed down the last of my toiletries and medication. The makeup I wanted to bring was already packed. I was ready to leave when we needed to. 

"What do you want to do now?" Alexia asked, but before I could respond she continued with "I think we should head to the beach. We can invite everyone you feel like inviting, or it can just be the two of us". It was a good idea. I needed some more sun, and the beach was always enjoyable. "We should" I answered with a smile. "Then you should change into something and pack a bag so we can leave" she responded and made her way down the stairs to give me some privacy.

I changed quickly and packed my bag as fast as I could. Alexia had raided my fridge and brought out everything that she thought looked appetizing. She drove us to her place, that five-minute drive was one of the most anxious ones in my life. I had no idea why. On the other hand, I hoped that she wouldn't invite anyone else. I liked spending time with just her. She always made me happy and whenever I needed her help she was there as soon as she could.

When she walked inside, she forced me with her. I sat on her couch while scrolling through Instagram. A few minutes later she emerged from her bedroom wearing a different pair of clothes. She took everything she wanted to bring with her out of the fridge and cupboards and put it down in the bag with the rest of the food. Alexia was always determined to get everything as she wanted. I am not saying she can't compromise, because she can. She just prefers having everything her way, and she is great at getting everything to go in that way. 

She drove us to one of her favourite beaches. We had wanted to go to Barceloneta, but it was always full of people and today was a sunny day which meant it would be even more people and tourists. I never cared about any of that stuff until people started to recognize me. It felt weird being someone that people looked up to. After every game there were so many people who wanted me to take a photo with them and wanted me to sign their stuff. It was crazy, but I was happy that women's football got the recognition that it deserved. I had never had a female footballer that I could look up to. The women's games were never shown on TV and Tarragona didn't have a women's team.

Sometimes I think about what would have happened if I got to play with the same conditions as boys. If there was a team filled with girls my own age, but that did not exist and the first time I played with girls was in La Maisa at fifteen. Playing with boys was not always fun, especially not after I started puberty. I had to change in a different room, and when we played with white shorts I was always scared to bleed through whenever I was on my period. 

"You are lost in thought again Isa" Alexia said after a few minutes. She was correct, I had spaced out and was no longer listening to anything she said. "I'm sorry" I apologized. "Don't be, would you maybe want to tell me what that beautiful brain of yours was thinking about?" she asked. "I was just thinking about how unfair it is that boys always have it easier than girls. I grew up having to fight for my spot while playing with boys. I always had to deal with their unnecessary comments, I had to play in white shorts when I was barely managing my period. It all just sucks" I complained to her.

"I get it Isa, I really do" Alexia said and gently squeezed my thigh. Instead of removing her hand directly, it rested there for the entirety of the drive.

We spent the rest of the day at the beach, playing in the water together and tanning. We talked about everything we could think about, but mostly we talked about next season. My first season at Barcelona had passed quickly. I had made many great friends, and I finally felt like I was part of a group.

I was happier this year than I was last year. Even though I didn't have Ona with me I had found happiness, and I was grateful for that. Now I was given a week to reload, and after that week I would be spending some time with my family. Life couldn't be better now, or it could be better, but for it to be better I would have my mom by my side, and that was impossible.

I fell asleep when Alexia drove us home. She woke me up when we got back to my apartment, and I was sad that we had to part ways. I could have spent the rest of the day in the car with her. Her company was the one I enjoyed the most. 

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40 votes for the next chapter?

Can we all agree that playing in white shorts is the worst thing to do. You have to worry about what kind of underwear you have on, you have to worry about sweat stains, and you have to worry about bleeding through and it showing.

How are you doing today?

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