Foolish one

Chapter 14

When everyone returned from international break the vibe we all had been missing came back. It was better to have the entire team here than being seven players that could play and three doing their rehab. Alexia was one of the first ones in as always. When I arrived from the bus-stop, she and Mapí were sitting in the changing room talking.

"I finally get to see my favourite central defender" Mapí yelled when I walked inside. She hugged me tightly and while we hugged, she told me how much she had missed me. "Soon enough you are going to be there with us" Alexia said. She also joined the hug and we stood there for several moments, just soaking in each other's presence. I had missed them a lot. Even though it was just for a week and a half.

This practice we focused on our plays, and how we effectively could get from our on goal to the other. Half the time my team had to defend and the other half of the time we had to attack. Luckily, I had both Alexia and Aitana on my team and didn't have to defend against them. They were a lethal combo, managing to weave through every defence and the together with the other attackers score sick goals. 

When we were done with football, we all had to go the gym. Doing exercises that would improve our strength and balance as well as preventing injuries. Not as fun as playing football, but it was necessary.

"You know you are having us over for dinner tonight, right?" Alexia said when we all headed to the showers. "I am not doing that. I have no groceries at home" I responded quickly. I couldn't host dinner for them without doing some grocery shopping first. "I can join you shopping for food. I love going to the grocery store" Ottilia butted in. I could use a friend at the grocery store, and I needed to shop for the rest of the week. "Thank you Otto! The rest of you can be at my place around eight. And bring something to drink" I told the rest of the. Earning excited cheers from Mapí, Alexia and Aitana.

Ottilia had a car and drove the both of us to the grocery store. She was a menace in there, knowing exactly where everything was and which goods were lower in price than usual. We were out after an hour, and I spent a shit ton of money. Ottilia drove me home, but then left me to my own devices.

I changed into a better outfit before starting on dinner. For a main course I decided on a pasta dish. Some tagliatelle in a tomato sauce with crispy chicken. I also made a Greek salad, with olives and feta cheese. It didn't take me too long, but before I was done someone knocked on my door.

I opened it and found Alexia and Mapí outside, each holding a big bottle of wine in their hands. "Wow! This flat looks amazing Isa" Alexia said upon entering. The two women looked around while I continued with dinner. A few minutes later the doorbell rang again. This time Mapí opened the door, revealing Aitana and Ottilia. The two of them had brought flowers and something that looked like dessert. "I brought some kladdkaka" Ottilia said, showing what was placed inside the baking dish.

It was a dark chocolate cake, and on top of it there were several strawberries. She had even brought a bowl of whipped cream with her. 

After ten more minutes the dinner was done. The table had already been set and a minute later the food was on the table. For some reason they all liked my cooking. I mean I had been cooking since I was ten. Just when my mom couldn't because she was stuck at work. When I moved in with my sister I stopped cooking as much, mostly because I was focused on football and school.

They all stayed for some time. After we were done with dinner, we all decided that a few rounds of cards would be fun. Unfortunately, it brought out the competitiveness in all of us, causing arguments about if the other people cheated. When I had won my third round of the evening, we called it quits. Everyone was annoyed because they had lost. I on the other hand was dancing around in the room. Cheering and teasing the other's who had lost against me. Maybe not so fun for them, but for me it was quite entertaining. 

After those few games I made some coffee and Ottilia fixed the final details of her cake. It turned out to be incredibly delicious, I went in for a second round and so did all the other Spaniards. She wanted none of our praise, saying it was a simple thing to make. But it tasted delicious, and she deserved said praise.

After dessert Aitana decided that she needed toknow us all better. We were an unexpected group. The Sweden international, twoyoung players that had climbed the ranks from La Maisa, one of the best playersin the world and the new transfer. The person I knew best was Aitana, and neitherof us knew too much about one another.

"I think we should play never have I ever. But I know we probably shouldn't drink any more alcohol tonight, so we should do it with water" Aitana said while handing everyone a bottle of water. "I'll start" she said before pausing for a while. Probably thinking about what question she would ask. "Never have I ever, gotten a tattoo" she said, causing only Ottilia to be the only one who didn't drink. "Never have I ever, had sex in a public place" Mapí said, spicing up the game. This time she was the only one who drank.

It continued like that, with everyone asking questions and me barely drinking at any of them. I wasn't a person who had done so much stuff. I mostly stayed inside during the weekends, studying instead of being out partying.

That night I found out a lot of stuff about my friends. They didn't find out as much about me and I was thankful for that. The questions asked never once touched the parts about my life that I tried my hardest to keep private. The parts of my life that only a few people knew about.

We said goodnight just before twelve. With everyone returning to their apartments, leaving me all alone. I wasn't used to being alone.

I got ready for bed with music playing in the background. When I laid down under the covers, I could feel the panic hitting me. I was going to be living here all by myself. Who would calm me down after my nightmares? Who would help me with my panic attacks? I could feel my breathing getting faster. That familiar clump in my throat settled in. Making every breath even more difficult.

The shaking was back, my hands had a mind of their own. With my heart racing I tried to focus on the exercises that my therapist recommended. Breathing was a chore, something I didn't want to do.

The tears fell down my cheeks, getting more and more by every passing minute. They clouded my eyes. I couldn't see anymore.

The panic filled every part of my body. I couldn't calm down. This wasn't good at all. This was not what I wanted. 

The next morning my eyes were red and swollen. I washed my face with cold water, trying to get the swelling down, and making sure that no one would notice that I had been breaking down the previous night.

That didn't matter today. I put a smile on my face and when Alexia picked me up, she didn't notice anything.

We had a longer practice that day, stretching over six hours and forcing us all to have lunch there. Lluís told us all about our game the upcoming weekend. It was in three days, and against Madrid. I would be facing Ona. He went over some tactics, preparing us for it. On the pitch we had to implement said tactics, training both our defence and offence.

I got back to my apartment totally exhausted. At least I could call Ona and tell her all about my day. We facetimed for three hours. She told me all about her new crush and everything that had been going on in Madrid. We complained about having to face each other, but we were happy that we would see each other for the first time in months. 

That night I fell asleep without panicking. It was a milestone. Ona's safe presence and calming demeanour was enough to bring me calm. She had always been like that. I wished she was in Barcelona with me. 

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Not me basing this entire chapter on when I moved away from home and literary spent three hours panicking over it. 

Are you still living at your parents house?
I had to move back in after some trouble and very much miss living on my own. 

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