Blues and Yellows

Bureaucratic

"It's more complicated than just an 'I like you'. I made you a distraction from my reality."

"A distraction from... what?"

~

Pontius, pedantic prat. My painted nails curled up under the desk like it could rip the wood within. "Calm down, Summers," Sir Bassett implored. Of course those were the words they'd hurl at me. Ironic, considering the only sounds audible were the whirring fans of Xander's 'office' masking my heavy breathing. Was it unreasonable to appeal the instantaneous response I was sent? Was I really unreasonable when the one sat before me held the keys that locked me out?

Did bureaucratic nonsense really have to rile me up when the new year had just begun? "I am, if not, more qualified than every other applicant you've accepted, Prince," I stated. I had to bring in a faculty member after arguing with him for nearly an hour. Why did he have to be in charge of the committee? Oh right, he was an intelligent asshole. The air-conditioning exaggerated my shivers and trembles as Sir Bassett intermediated for us.

It was an outrage, and I couldn't have felt any more humiliated. I shouldn't have had to be there to prove my value, and I shouldn't have had to do so twice as hard to show that I was just as worthy as everyone else. "There's nothing I can do. Your application did not reflect the qualities we need for a committee member," Xander said. Sickening. Did he think I was supposed to stand there and believe his words when he rejected my application mere seconds after I sent it?

I'd yell, but that wasn't professional. I'd speak, but that wasn't professional. I'd be quiet, and yet, that wasn't professional either. That was the level of bias I had to contend with when I stood on those cold office tiles and fought, wondering if it was even worth joining the committee anymore. "Sir, you've seen how capable I am at managing events. I held a fundraiser when you were gone, and that wasn't even coordinated by the school," I argued firmly. 

Sir Bassett calmly put his palm up to quiet me down. "Hand me the application," he demanded of Xander. He begrudgingly passed the paper to Sir Bassett as I anxiously awaited his verdict. Seconds dragged by before he said, "This reads as well-thought-out. What seems to be the issue?" he asked the committee head. Xander kept quiet, undaring to look into Sir's eyes anymore since he knew that they'd kill him the moment Sir saw his soul through his windows.

"There's a conflict of interest, sir. I wish to get a second review of my application from a different head," I told Sir Bassett. "Right. What is the conflict of interest here," he asked. My mouth tried speaking words, but my throat closed up before a vowel could sound. For god's sake. Unlike Xander, I was daring enough to meet Sir Bassett's eyes, but this time, I knew sir couldn't read my soul's truth from a simple glance, and that's what killed me. I couldn't say what I wanted to say. 

My hands spasmed from frustration. "You know what, sir? Let me try to communicate civilly with Prince one last time," I caved and said. Sir Bassett looked surprised, his face alternating between us two. "I'll be in the faculty room if any of you need me." As the office door closed behind Sir Bassett, the slight temperature change aided my agony as I faced Xander once more. "I was not the unreasonable one who involved a teacher here," he stated defensively. 

Smokes of sage had filled the room since hours ago, but it ironically irritated my lungs and added insult to injury. "The fact that you made me come here in the first place to advocate for myself is unreasonable. The fact that I'm forced to state information that I simply can't so that this—so that I—can progress, is unreasonable. You are the one who's being unreasonable," I stated. My words were filled with the falter of my voice, leaving me wishing it didn't.