𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐏𝐈𝐓𝐘, angelina jolie

𝐗𝐈𝐕

it is hard to let it all go
let the past just disappear
try to untie from an old life
but it always drags me down
oh, we don't talk
we're not enough
and the storms slowly arise
when the light turns
and the cold times arise
and we were running out, through the storms, through the night
we were running in the dark, we were following our hearts
and we would fall down, and we would slowly fall apart
we would slowly fall into the dark

[Michael Schulte "Falling Apart"]
listening is advised for better reading!!

tw: mention of abuse, mention of self harm

her lungs burned relentlessly, each breath a painful gasp in the thinning air as the oxygen dwindled rapidly. bloodshot eyes, a tumultuous blend of pain and tears, fixated on the ceiling as if it were the celestial gateway she had yearned to encounter when her irregular breaths ceased. the agony coursing through her veins fueled a desperate desire for the impending moment of cessation, an end to the suffocating torment that enveloped her. yet, her fervent prayers went unanswered, much to her dismay.

closing her eyes in pursuit of peace, eleanor yearned for a respite she had seldom tasted in her tumultuous life. despite fleeting moments where the calm had briefly embraced her, her mind relentlessly churned, denying her the tranquility she so desperately sought. the peace she envisioned remained a mere mental image, an elusive mirage just out of reach.

as her eyes shut, she pleaded for the pain to cease, for the cacophony of convulsive sobs and the menacing growls of the elder man to dissolve into silence. her yearning for peace extended beyond the boundaries of life, a final pursuit of solace in the afterlife that life had cruelly denied her.

a blank canvas enveloped her mind, an unusual emptiness settling in, her legs resting against the wall as her heart, finally emancipated, beat its last in a macabre symphony of pain, rage, and desperation. in those fleeting moments, eleanor wished for nothing but the embrace of eternal quiet, a refuge from the torment that had plagued her existence.

a devastating scream echoed through her quiet-filled ears, unsettling the much sought peace she thought she had finally found.

instead, she swiftly opened her eyes when she felt two soft hands interrupting her troubled sleep. she attentively analysed the room she was in, quickly recognising the four walls she had started to know so well during the past few months. it was elizabeth's luxurious bedroom.

she felt her heart frantically race against her ribs as her mind kept recalling those pain filled memories she wish she could delete automatically from her brain. however, in a sort of masochistic way, it was the only thing she could think of. her brain kept on replaying those hurtful moments, much to her dismay. she was covered in a thick layer of sweat, mirroring her internal panic.

"it was that nightmare again, wasn't it?" elizabeth softly whispered, even though there was nobody in the house they could ever disturb with their speaking, but she wished to not interrupt the religious silence of the night. eleanor could only nod slightly as her throat suddenly felt too dry.

she had been deeply concerned about her girlfriend lately, whenever they shared a bed she would wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat, her eyes frantically scanning the room in panic, while her heart was completely out of control. besides the darkness of the room she could read, in the depths of her grey irises, pain and suffering.