Snap Out Of It - Alexia Putellas

You Drive Me Half Insane

Alexia's POV

I found myself looking at Alana for the millionth time tonight, I mean it was unfair, really. I don't think God had been kind when creating her because it put the rest of us to shame, no one could ever compete. I mean, who would pay attention to all of the brunettes? Who would look in the red heads' direction? And who would even think of kissing a blonde other than her? Alana was born and at that very second it was over for everyone else. Everyone who had a working heart and a fair set of eyes would do anything to be with her, she must've been sick of all the stares; I'd have probably tried to hide away, paint over the golden aura she had. But it wouldn't have done her any good as soon she'd shine through the shadows again, her brightness wasn't something one could ever hide.
Alana wasn't like anyone else I'd ever met. Sure, she had an unusual amount of wit and talent on a football pitch that I secretly envied, but it was the way that her soul entered a room before even she did that truly took my breath away. It was the way she'd smile and it gave me hope for the world; general opinions' grown to be that we lived in a world of hated and greed but then I'd look at her and find the opposite. Strangely even through the midst of our feud, I'd have heard her laughter and I realized the world wasn't the nightmare I thought it might have turned into. 

"What are you thinking about?" Alana looked up at me with those big blue eyes, that playful smile almost teasing her lips. 

I slowly shook my head, "Nothing," I couldn't help but softly smile; I hadn't planned for any of this to happen but I wouldn't have rather been anywhere else. 

"I thought you said we wouldn't lie to one another," she jokingly pouted.

I chuckled, though my laughter soon fizzled out as I saw nothing but genuine care in Alana's eyes; it was so strange to have someone waiting to hear my every word. "I never truly hated you, you know?" 

Alana's eyebrows softened slightly and her lips parted, "Why did you pretend to then?" her words were quieter than a whisper, but in a room so silent, I felt like I could hear every beat of Alana's heart and every thought in my mind. 

"I'm stubborn," I looked up to the ceiling, realizing there were a thousand reasons why I took so long to finally be honest to Alana, "I was scared. I was hurting. It was easier to be closed off. I was intimidated. I was stupid. I was-"

"Alexia," Alana put her hand softly on my cheek and silenced me.

I slowly lowered my chin, the silence of the moment scared me; what if I'd said something to make her leave?

"Just breathe," A smile came to Alana's lips and my heart could finally start again, "I get it."

"You do?"

"Well I don't get why you had to be such a dick," she joked then turning to be genuine again, "but I understand what it feels like to be completely out of control."

I couldn't imagine Alana ever feeling out of control and falling down that hole with no hope of defying gravity, I felt like she'd been in change of everything her entire life, it felt like she had this effortless air of luck so that she'd never had to panic. "You do?"

"My father is a power obsessed business man; of course I've felt out of control," she chuckled, "He controlled everything to the second when I was younger- he almost forced us to quit football, I thought I'd never get on the pitch again."

"That's awful," I furrowed my brows, I already disliked Alana's father but the more I heard about him, the less I could even think about being civil. 

"No, it's nothing awful, I don't have a sob story," she gently responded.

It felt like a strange response for someone to have, I wondered why Alana couldn't acknowledge her father's actions when she so clearly resented him for them. "Well, I don't like your father."

She let out a bright giggle, "Did you really say everything to him at the dinner?" Alana asked, referring back to when I'd harshly advised him to recognized his daughter's talent. 

"Of course," I responded. 

"I can only imagine his face," Alana rolled her eyes while still laughing, though I didn't understand what was so funny, "I wish I'd been there."

"You should have stayed then, rather than storming out," I teased.

Alana frowned and stared me right in the eyes, "You would've stayed silent if I was there, wouldn't you?"

"I-"

"Remember, we don't lie to one another anymore," Alana interrupted me with wide eyes as she leaned back, further into the pillow.

I let out a long huff, "I wouldn't have said anything, you're right," I had to admit. 

"I'm thankful for your honesty," Alana laughed.

I smiled down at the blonde who'd lived rent free in my head for months, "And I'm happy that I came here tonight."

"So am I."

I leaned towards Alana again and pressed a soft kiss on her lips. Then I left a peck on the tip of her nose and then on her right cheek and then on her left. She began to laugh and the smile grew on my face as I realized this was the peace I'd been searching for; in one night of honesty I'd found more joy than I had in months of hiding from the truth when I'd been trying to protect myself.
My sister was right, I always played things too safe. This was the first risk I felt like I'd ever taken, this was the first leap I'd ever had the courage to take and I couldn't be happier than I'd ended up here, next to Alana.

She was like a breath of fresh air and being bathed in sunlight. That smile of Alana's could've lit the entire world and her laughter was magical enough to make a deaf man hear. There was something so naturally bright about her, she walked and the sun seemed to follow her, as if her soul was shared by the star; one in the sky and one walking the earth but somehow they were the same. Alana was fabulous, probably everything a person wanted to be, but it made her all the more beautiful because she didn't see that. She was still utterly clueless about her hold on me, even after learning the truth she didn't seem to understand that I adored her for both everything she was and everything she wasn't. Living alongside her felt like residing in a day dream, I was sure she'd been sent down from heaven for no mortal being could be so delicately angelic yet golden like a god.

"Was it all true?" The smile faded slowly from Alana's face.

"Was what?" I wondered.

"What you said in the doorway," she gulped, "Everything you felt- everything you feel about me."

I held my breath for a moment, I was much more sober now compared to when I'd arrived but I didn't need the confidence which alcohol provided when I had the ocean of her eyes to slip into, "Yes," I breathed, "I think it was somehow dulled down actually."

Alana gently smiled, it was neither a grin nor a smirk but something much more special. 

"I think if I was being completely honest, I'd have told you that you're all I've thought about for the last few months," I knew how terrible awkward I was, I was completely new to this and I knew I was probably doing everything wrong but I hoped she'd appreciate my honesty, for the truth was all that I could offer, "Alana, this is the happiest I've been in a long time; this was the sort of feeling I used to dream of before Nana died and then when she passed, I was sure I'd never get this feeling. But then you came along and even if I didn't see it at first, or for a long time, you're the only person who could drive me half insane while doing nothing at all.
You drive me half insane because I can't ignore what I feel for you. You drive me half insane because for once in my life, my world doesn't just revolve around a football pitch."

"I don't know what to say," Alana whispered, her eyes never left mine. 

My heart dropped, "Just say that you feel the same," I hoped, "Or you at least feel half of what I do. Please."

"I do," she nodded, "I truly do."

I sighed and leaned my forehead onto hers', the relief and joy that washed over me was like no other. Nothing could've soured the sweetness this moment held, nothing could've darkened the brightness of this dim room and nothing could've ruined the purity of my emotions. I was home; for the first time since I'd left Hunter and Nana had died, I was home.