Snap Out Of It - Alexia Putellas

Golden

Alexia's POV

Mapi, Ingrid and I had walked into the Ballon d'Or reception little under an hour ago and so far the evening had been pleasant, we'd been welcomed in with a glass of champagne each and offered appetizers which Mapi had been most fond of. 

This night meant a lot to me, that was mostly because it had meant a lot to Nana. Last year my name had been called and I stood on that stage knowing the two most important people in my life were in the audience watching me; Nana and Hunter. Neither of them were here today. I was alone with two empty seats and no plus ones. 
But I tried to remind myself that Nana was watching down on me and cheering from heaven. I couldn't bring myself to believe Hunter was cheering me on from England, if she cared, she would've come; my sister might have lived hundreds of miles away, but recently it felt like we were on entirely different planets.
My family had fallen apart when Nana died, the three of us used to be inseparable - calling everyday and eating dinner of facetime - but now I didn't hear from my sister at all, I was lucky if she answered my messages within a month of me sending them, and even then it was clear she didn't want a conversation. 

But tonight wasn't for Hunter; it was for Nana. I'd done this all for Nana. I'd won the world cup for Nana. I'd led Barcelona to another champions league victory for Nana. I'd won the EUFA player of the year award for Nana. I'd played every single minute of every single match for Nana.
My world would come crushing down if I didn't win tonight, it would've been an injustice to the women I'd loved so dearly, it would have proven that despite my best efforts, I was never going to make her proud.  

"Ale," Mapi put a hand on my shoulder, bringing me back into the room, "I think we have to go to our seats now."

"Right," I gulped. 

Mapi's eyes caught in mine, "Are you going to be okay?" She asked. 

I nodded, "Of course."

"Because if you want someone to sit with you, Ingrid can sit with you and I will sit alone," she offered, referring to the fact Ingrid was her plus one and I had neither of mine by my side.

"It's fine," I reassured her with a small smile and a slight chuckle, "It will be a good night, I think," I lied through my teeth; I already knew this was going to be one of the hardest nights to face since Nana had died, Hunter leaving me alone had just made it all the more difficult. 

I might have had amazing friends like Mapi, Ona and Ingrid but they all had their own people; family, loved ones, relationships. I was just alone. I was the coward who had either pushed everyone away or the people I'd let stay, had left anyway. 
It was a strange feeling to know I might win tonight and I'd get up on that stage with no one there for me; I wouldn't have Nana's bright eyes and prideful smile or Hunter's stupid smirk and her teasing wolf whistles. 
There'd be a party tonight just like there had been last year, and still, I would be there alone. 

"We should get to our seats then," Mapi suggested.

The three of us walked into the room through those dark oak doors and the venue always took my breath away. It was such a beautiful room with grand walls with royal red boxes and gold detailing ascending up its height. I looked forward to the stage and saw the lights and the slight mist which dramatized the night even further. This was the place which either cemented a footballer in history forever or proved they were going to be forgotten.

"Our seats are further up there," Mapi pointed to the higher tiers of seating, "So we'll meet you after the awards finish at the car."

I nodded, my throat was suddenly tight and this sickening pit formed in my stomach. Without even thinking, I pulled Mapi into a tight hug, one which I desperately needed, "I'll see you soon," I murmered.