Youth (2007)

1. Past downs, Future Ups

headline pic: Sasaki Aisha

Ever since I can remember I've always admired models. Their clacking heels and eloquent walk, their bouncy hairstyles and fancy clothes that fit them like a glove. The way their long and slim legs walked while swaying their hips side to side simply blew my mind.

I remember at oba chan's house, I could sit in front of the TV watching old runaway shows for hours without ever getting bored. O-bachan used to say that when I was really focused, I wouldn't blink for a whole 5 minutes!! Funny huh?

Though I only measure 162 centimeters with a round face and thick legs and I know the most I could be is probably a teen magazine model. So my dream seems to be slipping away more and more. BUT I'm determined and I won't let anything bring me down. Besides!! I have a pretty cute face.

I didn't always have that kind of optimistic attitude. I remember one time in middle school we had a future career project. Sensei asked all of us to come up one by one and name our dream job and why we chose that. Then my turn came.

- You can go ahead Sasaki-san.

- I want to be a Runaway Model!

I said that with such force, such confidence, with my eyes glimmering.

- EH? Sasaki wants to be a model!?

- That totally doesn't suit her right.

- Don't you have to be really skinny and tall for that?

Stop. Just stop. Stop it.

They were whispering but I could hear them clearly, the teacher tried to calm them down but deep down I knew he agreed. That day I was crushed, my confidence hit 0 and I ran away from the classroom. I couldn't take all my hopes being mocked without the slightest bit of hesitation.

I ran and ran and for a second I almost thought maybe I really am not suited for modeling. Luckily that evening a certain encounter kept me going.

I entered an empty playground and sat on the swing. It must've been around 5PM, I had left my bag and coat at school in the dead of winter. Crap! I thought to myself. "I'm so stupid".

- Hey you shouldn't say things like that you know, it's bad for morality.

Who's this disgustingly nosy person? Do they think they can just dictate what I say like that!

I glared and raised my head aggressively.

It was a boy. A tall boy with a black mullet. He was wearing a high school uniform, maybe two or three years older? He had one earphone on.

- Woah Woah! no need to look at me like that I was just trying to cheer you up.

I looked back down, I didn't feel like talking. He's handsome though. I thought to myself. A much better fit for modeling. Haha!

I chuckled. But my expression was sad.

- What's so funny?

- You should be a model.

What am I even saying.

- Haha no way! I'm gonna be the greatest bassist ever and make my band the biggest one japan has ever known.

- Hahaha! Really? I'll cheer for you then.

The ill feelings from earlier dissapeared.

When I saw the look in his eyes I saw how passionate he was. Maybe it was because it was a full moon but his eyes looked so bright they almost looked white from afar.

- What about you? What's your dream?

I paused. smiled.

- I had one until today but I think I might give up since I'm not cut out for it.

- Do you like that dream?

- I love it.

- Then don't give up on it

...

- Okay.

We looked up at the sky together. I didn't even know this guy's name but he had convinced me of something.

- Hey, aren't you cold? Here take this.

He took his black zip up hoodie off. It had a grunge band's logo behind it.

- Ah... are you sure?

- Yeah that hoodie's special but I'll let you have it... Maybe it'll help you along the way.

- I'll treasure it.

Then he suddenly got up and started leaving.

- WAIT!

He stopped and turned around.

Then he flashed the prettiest smile at me.

- It's getting late, you should go home you know!

He waved his hand goodbye and walked away. I just stared for a while then closed my eyes and smiled.

"I didn't even ask him for his name."

That day I swore to myself I wouldn't back down no matter what and that I'd tell everyone my dream proudly. I don't need anyone's approval or consent. I will succeed.