Where Loyalty Lies // Mori Ougai x Reader

Chapter 10: Break Your Heart

Dazai was irked at that man's name coming from her lips. "And you think you know him?"

"I know that he's—complicated," she said, slightly biting the inside of her cheek. "But I can tell that he's not as awful as you paint him to be." Y/n paused, biting the inner flesh of her lips. "He's kind. I know it might sound strange and I know what happened with Oda, but I can't hate him the way you do. I just can't." Y/n felt pressure welling up in her eyes and chest. She knew how much heartache Oda's death had caused Dazai and the fact that she was siding with the enemy who played a role in it made her feel like a low-level trash of a human being.

Dazai didn't want to believe that Y/n may choose to leave him one day. He always assured himself that he would never wish for things, never wish for her, for he knew that it was inevitable that he would lose the things most precious to him eventually, but seeing her sitting there on the verge of being lost forever, a switch seemed to flip in him. He clenched his jaw before Y/n stood up to leave. He grabbed her arm.

"Let go," she said, frowning. "I have nothing more to say to you, and nothing you want to hear either."

"Please," he said, his voice sounding like a thin sheet of glass being held together by one dislodged piece. "I care about you." Dazai was always such a smooth talker, but in that moment, the moment he wasn't prepared for, he was at a loss for how to tell her. The truth lied in his throat.

Y/n scoffed, yanking her arm away. "You know what? I doubt that. You've only ever cared about yourself. Quit pretending that you're doing this for my sake. You replaced me with Atsushi. All I wanted was to at least occupy a small part in your mind, but all you've wanted to do since you met Atsushi was boast about him and how he was going to do great things. Oh how impressed you would be to have that little weretiger become everything I couldn't! I can't stand it. I don't want to be a sideshow anymore, Dazai. And you seem to think that if you just tout some sugar-laced bullshit to me that I will come crawling back to you, desperate for your acceptance. But I'm not that person anymore. I escaped you, and you hate the fact that Mori now holds more importance to me than you do, so you intend to rein me back in like a good little pet dog. One who you'd shower with attention, only to leave behind once you got bored with it. I used to want your approval and guidance more than anything, but now I'm sick of it. You're suffocating me and you're holding me back, so I'm leaving, and I'm never coming back."

Dazai straightened up and put his hands in his pockets. He now knew what he wanted to say. "I'm sure you would love to believe that I'm being disingenuous here, but I've never pretended with you, Y/n. In fact, I've never forsaken you either, not in the way you have with me."

"Watch it." Y/n's jaw was clenched and her eyes widened, staring daggers at what he was implying.

Dazai smirked as his eyes went cold. "Don't forget, Y/n, I'm quite familiar with betrayal, so I'm good at spotting a traitor when I see one."

"You sure have some nerve lecturing me about betrayal."

"That's the thing—I did betray the Port Mafia, but it was for a good reason. I realized that being a better person was a more meaningful goal to strive for. However, your reason for betrayal is a lot more pathetic, don't you think?"

Y/n glared at him. Her expression was stiff as stone and her eyes were edged with spite.

Dazai continued grinning at her reaction. He knew that he was getting under her skin and he hoped that it would wake her up to the truth. "The life of a mafioso is one where you must swear loyalty to the organization above all. You must set aside your personal desires and fulfill the orders that come from above you. Loyalty, Y/n, that's the point, and I don't think you have a single ounce of it in your whole body."

Y/n's breathing became heavier at that moment. She felt her hands heating up as the rage threatened to incinerate her bubbling tears. She clenched her fists tight. How dare he—how could he? She thought. However, she found herself unclenching her fists and letting out a small laugh.

Dazai noticed that she was unraveling, so he thought about pushing it a little more.

"I mean you can leave if you want to," he said. "I don't think it matters that much anymore. It's not like you will stick around with the Port Mafia forever. You'll run away once you see that Mori is no different than everyone else who tries to use you. You'll never be satisfied so long as you expect perfection from others, Y/n. So go ahead. Run away. That's what you do best." Dazai paused before realizing something. Y/n was found alone in the alleyway, so there's a possibility that she went there of her own accord. If the mafia had knowledge of her escapade, then they would have recovered her before Atsushi did. He grinned. "I would even bet that you've already considered running away, no? You never change, Y/n. How disappointing."

By the time Dazai had finished making a mockery of her, Y/n's mind was already drowning in anguish and humiliation. His cruelty cut deeper than anything she had ever experienced. The truth in his words is what stung the most and the fact that he still had the power to hurt her this way made Y/n feel even more worthless. It was true. She was a coward who continued to repeat the cycle of expecting other people to be the trustworthy ones even though she could never do the same. She was a liar, a deserter, a girl who didn't deserve to complain about not being loved, for that was the price she had to pay for being the hollow monster she was. Y/n wanted to disappear. If she was going to run anywhere, she wanted it to be somewhere she would never be able to escape from again. The light in her eyes was void.

As Dazai watched her, he felt a slight tinge of guilt. Although he had intended to imbue at least a partial truth into what he said, it's not like he strictly believed in it. He just needed to break her down before he could build her back up again. This was the only way he knew how to save her—the only way he might get her back.

As Y/n sank to the floor, choked up for words, a loud crash followed by the sound of gunshots came from the entrance of the Agency's office. The Port Mafia was here.

Thanks for reading, lovelies!!   ///   :)   To be continued... 🧡