Where Loyalty Lies // Mori Ougai x Reader

Chapter 7: Hidden Heart

Mori couldn't hear anything she had just said, but her lifeless eyes spoke loud enough for him to realize that he was scared. He was scared of that smile, scared of what she meant by it being 'over.' However, what terrified him most was how she didn't seem to be looking at him at all just now.

"Where are you going?" Mori said with a serious expression.

Y/n kept a placid smile on her face. "I'll take care of this. Don't worry."

"You're not leaving," he said. "I don't know what's going on in that head of yours, but it ends right now."

Y/n had finally dropped her smile completely. She no longer felt like pretending with him. "And why should I agree? I'm not going to involve the Port Mafia with this, so why are you trying to stop me?"

"But you are involving the Port Mafia—you're involving me."

"I'm not though! I've never expected anything from you!" Y/n said.

"Don't forget that you're also a member of this organization now, so quit acting reckless. I don't need someone who can't see the bigger picture when there are lives on the line. Just head back to your room and cool your head," he said, turning his head away.

Y/n was feeling overwhelmed again. Does he think I'm a child? An idiot that's only thinking of herself? I know the culprit is dangerous—that's why I'm trying to protect the Port Mafia. It's better if the target is on my back instead of his. She lets out a heavy sigh. First Dazai sidelines me, and now Mori is too? How much do I have left to prove until he finally accepts me? Why would he tell me about my parents being murdered if he didn't want me to handle it myself? This doesn't make sense. I'm used to Dazai keeping me out of the action, but why does Mori's rejection hurt so much more than that? Y/n held in her tears with a stiffened expression as she looked at his cavalier demeanor.

"I agree. You don't need someone like me," she said, leaving without being dismissed.

As she slammed the door behind her, Mori turned his head to where she used to be and was left stunned. He was struggling to process what just happened. Why was she so upset? I'm just looking out for her. I don't want her to carelessly throw her life away for the mere sake of revenge, he thought. He was trying to understand what Y/n was thinking, but he just couldn't pin it down. He knew that she was up to something dangerous, which was confirmed just now by her reaction to him-but he didn't want it to go like this. Dammit. Why don't you get it?

After Y/n left Mori's office, she went to the bathroom to wash the sticky residue of tears off her eyes. When she rubbed a cloth over her face, she looked into the mirror to see Gin standing behind her. Y/n's shoulders jumped and she turned around to face her.

"Do you need something?" Y/n said, raising her eyebrows.

Gin stared at Y/n with her sharp eyes and a black mask that covered her face, making her silence even more menacing. However, Gin stuck out her hand which held an extra black mask. "Use this to leave—and cover up your hair. No one will notice," she said.

"Why are you doing this?" She asked. Although she had been busy with her duties since she joined the Port Mafia, Y/n occasionally would exchange greetings with the other members. But speaking to Gin was a first for her.

"Well—why were you crying?"

Y/n debated whether to confide in Gin. She barely knew her, but then she remembered what Mori said about making friends. What if she's just his spy? He could be watching me right now. If I disobey his orders and escape, then I'll be no better than the traitor Dazai was, Y/n thought.

"It's just—stress," Y/n said.

"If that's the case, then come with me."

"Where to?"

"Shopping," Gin said, gently smiling with her eyes.

Hell no, Y/n thought. She despised shopping. In her mind, it was nothing more than a waste of time compared to the work that needed to be done. "I have things to do, sorry." Gin walked closer to Y/n and secured the mask onto her face. "Hey—"

"Calm down. You'll have eyes on you if you leave looking like yourself. People will just think you're one of my subordinates if you wear this."

"I kind of already am, no?" Y/n said.

"Really? We all thought you might become a new executive, given how close you are to the boss."

Y/n huffed under her breath and rolled her eyes at the mention of Mori as Gin proceeded to tie her hair up. Gin also grabbed a wig from her coat and placed it on Y/n's head.

"How long have you been watching me, Gin?" she said, noticing how little miss lizard had come prepared.

"Long enough to see a girl that's in desperate need of a hobby," she said, lightly chuckling.

"I doubt that's a rare occurence in the Port Mafia."

"You'd be surprised. Most of us have a life outside of the everyday bloodshed. People like you are considered enigmas in this organization."

"The others talk about me?" Y/n said.

Gin grinned beneath her mask. "Here and there. Most don't spend that much time with the boss unless they're an executive, and even then, executives usually still make time for themselves."

What am I supposed to do, forsake my duties? I'm still new. I shouldn't be goofing off like the rest of them, Y/n thought. She was apprehensive to say anything back.

Gin noticed her discomfort and patted her on the shoulder. "Anyway, just forget about all of this—at least for tonight. Promise?"

Y/n still felt upset about what Mori had said to her and wondered if he had guards out looking for her already. She didn't want to lose this opportunity to finally breathe freely. "Fine. I'll go."

After walking out of the back exit of the building while wearing her disguise, Y/n suddenly felt liberated, like she didn't have to think about anyone but herself for the rest of the night.

"You know, you don't look like someone who would enjoy shopping," Y/n said.

Gin turned her head away slightly, blushing. "I have my interests too, you know."

Y/n lightly grinned, and when they arrived at a fancy boutique shop, she paused at the entrance. She never felt more out of her element than in that moment.

"Come on—I'm not giving you another makeover. There's lots of stuff here that might catch your eye."

"I doubt it," Y/n said, shifting her eyes around the store.

"I'll be over by the clothing section, so let me know when you're ready to go," Gin said, walking to the opposite end of the store.

Y/n couldn't remember the last time she went shopping for fun. It was probably when her parents were still alive. Her mother would bring her to clothing stores to look for outfits, but even back then, Y/n still had no interest in such things. However, she did enjoy looking at the smaller trinkets and jewelry situated on the shelves and in the glass cases. She didn't like her possessions to be shown off to others, as she much preferred keeping her most important things close to her—close and hidden.

As she was looking through the various cases of jewelry, she spotted a silver ring with an amethyst gemstone embedded in it. She normally didn't wear rings, since they tended to not mix well with her special ability, but she decided that she could just wear it as a necklace instead. This is the closest we'll ever be, I guess. The image of Mori's disappointed face resonated in Y/n's mind as her heart ached once again.

She bought the ring, as well as a silver chain to match, and clasped it around her neck. She tucked it into her shirt and looked into the direction of her colleague who was still looking at the dresses.

Y/n smiled faintly at the distracted Gin before walking out of the boutique and into the cold and bloody night.

I hope you enjoyed :) /// To be continued... 🧡