Bada x Howl: Standing Next to You

IX. In My Head (Bada & Howl POV)

Her heart races as she scrolls through the Just Jerk album. But not in a good way.

There are several photos of him but always with her, even when they are in the background. Did they hang out the whole time? How close were they?

Bada is finally winding down from a busy two weeks. Her schedule was so packed she'd collapse into bed each night. Her meals were always on the go. She even had to drop out from the Just Jerk Vol. 4 performance and after-party, having to oversee a last minute rehearsal with NCT before the debut of their new single.

She is catching up on photos from the JJ event when she notices several photos of Howl, always with one of the girls from the JJ extended family. She is a newcomer like him, a 20-year-old talent from Seoul and popular among the guys.

"She looks like an idol." "Is she half?" she'd often hear them whisper.

He often interacted with her on social media, liking and commenting on almost every post. Bada senses a familiar gnawing in her stomach.

Since their impromptu night at the park, she and Howl hadn't much chance to spend more time together. They tried to get a meal the weekend before, but her schedule ran late and she had to cancel. They exchanged texts here and there, but she wasn't a big texter and neither did it seem, he.

Currently, work was her priority. As a dancer and choreographer, if you didn't make a name for yourself early on and build a strong network, the opportunities only slimmed as you got older. She knows these early years required dedication to build momentum, which is why she said yes to most opportunities that came her way. As her popularity grew, especially this past year, she had to learn to start saying no to requests. Still she often stretched her bandwidth, and her social life suffered the most deficit.

That didn't mean she didn't care about connection. Quality time was important to her, even if she couldn't make quantity. She had a lot of acquaintances but only a few close friends with whom she made a true effort to stay connected. She had a strong dance community, whose presence she felt even on solo projects. She had a couple relationships these past years, though none were particularly serious; it wasn't something she thought critical to her life right now.

Still, she felt something undeniable that night in the park.

That said, if it only took two weeks for his interest to stray to someone else, that isn't someone worth pursuing. He's probably doing what every guy is doing these days - dating around, exploring options. That just isn't her style. For better or worse, she is loyal to a fault when she likes someone.

She puckers her lips, eyes downcast. She didn't expect such strong feelings, especially as they hardly knew each other. She leaves her phone on the couch and walks into her bedroom, shutting the door.

***********

"Have a good night!" Bada shouts from the door.

Howl is confused. She had hardly even made eye contact with him. They bonded so strongly that night in the park he was confident she reciprocated his interest. Their schedules these past weeks had been too conflicting, but he looked forward to when things wound down. He was about to ask to reschedule their missed meal when she seemed almost avoidant of him. Was it possible it was all in his head?

"You okay, man?"

"Huh?"

"You seem bothered."

"It's nothing," Howl brushes off.

"Girls?" Hulk asks in his usual nonchalant manner.

Howl feigns ignorance. "Hmm?"

"You're dating, right?"

"Who's dating?"

"You & Eunki."

Howl is taken aback. "What? No. She's like my younger sister. Actually, she's exactly like my sister, which is why we get on so well."

"Oh we all thought you were dating."

"No. That's weird to even think about. Why would people think that?"

"You got on so well at the JJ party," Hulk shrugs.

Howl's mind starts to swirl. Maybe he shouldn't have been so carefree and comfortable. They had a brotherly/sisterly relationship - it never occurred to him it would be taken otherwise.

Is that why Bada acted strangely? Did she hear the rumors? If she did hear it, then his not addressing it with her would only fuel the misunderstanding. On the other hand, if she hadn't heard it, then his addressing it would put an unnecessary seed in her ear.

But why wouldn't she talk to him? After all, these were just rumors based on jumps to conclusions; he hadn't actually done anything. Wasn't it unfair that he be held responsible for stories other people made up?

He doesn't want to be with someone who can't talk things through. He had always felt mature for his age and he wants someone who is an adult, a real partner, an equal.