𝐌𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐚𝐢 𝐓𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐧

32. THE PAIN

"I am not doing this", I scoffed and closed my eyes trying my best not to hear him.

I heard a thud sound and opened my eyes only to see his fist resting on the divider. Injured.

He just punched the divider.

"Are you insane or what?" I took his hand in mine and examined it.

There was no scratch or cut but his knuckles were bruised. I blew some air on them and moved my thumb over them slowly. I grabbed my purse and took out a pain relief cream. I opened the cap and before I could apply it, he snatched his hands away from mine. I looked up to meet his eyes which showed clear anger.

"And suddenly you started caring, huh!?", he asked in a hoarse voice.

"Stop being a kid. Your knuckles are bruised", I tried to take his hands but he didn't let me.

"Some pains are good for the heart,  they make you forget about the others", saying this he turned his face away.

My heart stabbed hearing the words but I couldn't say anything. I kept the cream beside me and turned back to look outside the window.

Tears formed in my eyes and memories filled my brain. Hurting him was never what I wanted but I had no other choice. Sometimes, I wish I could tell him all about Abhimaan and my past but I can't. I am still the weak pathetic girl on the inside as I was six years ago. Nothing has changed except for the fact that I have learnt to pretend now. I have learnt to pretend to be happy. I have learnt to pretend I don't care when someone I love more than my life is hurt because of me.

I just hope it's not too late till the time I am done clearing my mess.

Maybe I should just tell Adrian everything now. That will be the right thing to do.

But what if Abhimaan gets to know of this and leaks all the videos. Or worse, what if he does something bad to Samaira.

I have not even talked to Ariv bhai about her. I am so involved in my mess, I have not got the chance to talk to him after the reception. The guilt is increasing and my insides are being torn. I am ruining so many lives along with mine and the reason behind this is my Fear.

Why did this have to happen to me?

Why everytime I think everything is getting back on track and even I deserve to be happy, life gives me a reality check on how fucked up things are and happiness is not what I deserve?

What is my fault in all this?

What did I ever do to face all this?

Tears started falling uncontrollably from my eyes and without realising a sob left my mouth.

"Are you crying?" Adrian's soft voice broke my thoughts and I realised I was crying.

I quickly wiped off my tears and replied with a "No".

"Look at me", saying that he slowly turned my head towards himself.

I did not have the courage to oppose him so I just kept looking down.

"Why are you crying?" Rian asked me with a concerned voice.

"Nothing, forget it", I tried to turn my head away but he kept holding my face firmly.

"Don't do this yourself. Tell me what it is, Do— Aadya", he asked again.

I was not able to hold myself, I clinged to him and cried. His hands slowly caressed my hair and my tears fell uncontrollably. The safety his arms provided was something I needed at this moment.