36 Questions to Fall in Love...in 36 days!

Chapter 25: Men's Tears and Apples

“Well life really deserves a punch in the guts and a kick in the head.” he says all this seriously.

The laughter dies in my throat.

Mkhulu sighs, a shuddering breath at his failed attempt at the joke.

“You know from the moment you told me she was coming and you were letting her stay—some part of me felt betrayed.”

“...”

“It's like you forgot how long it took to heal. All those nights I stayed up crying —we stayed up crying for ma, for Gogo Sophie. It's like you were freely giving her an opportunity to hurt us again.”

“Leonardo,” Mkhulu breathes, his voice wavering. “ I'm so sorry. I just thought that if we gave her another chance and—”

“You have nothing to apologize for Mkhulu.” I cut in, “ I should be apologizing for choosing to ignore the fact that she’s your daughter. I was being selfish.”

“You were just protecting your heart. Something I should have been doing but look now” Mkhulu laughs bitterly,the pain dripping from his tongue.

“We're worse off than we were in the beginning,” he continues, then, “ and it's funny how all this happened in a span of one week. One week!”

He's right. So, so right. My life has crumbled into pieces in this one week.

“I'm to  blame,” Mkhulu speaks, bitterly. “ I caused your aching heart more heartbreak. And I'll live with this guilt for the rest of my —” he breaks down, crying heart wrenching sobs.

It's a phenomenon to see a grown  man cry.

Their sobs sound like it comes from the deepest part of them pulling from the pain they brushed aside time and time again—toughening up.

It's like a deep groaning from their
soul  and it pulls from anyone's heart.

It takes me back to 5 years ago when Mkhulu got on his knees, begging my mother to stay —for me.

As he furiously wipes his tears I step off my stool, making my way towards him.

He covers his face with his hands as he cries and when I place my hand on his shoulder, we meet eyes.

An acknowledgement of our shared misery and pain.

“Mkhulu get up.”

Mkhulu's teary dark eyes flash with recognition, from that moment I told him to not kneel in front of my mother.

He wipes the last of his tears.

And he stands.

He stands to his full height, a head taller than me. I love how my Grandfather doesn't actually need his cane.

“You're not to blame for anything Mkhulu. You're just a good father and some part of you will always be ready to love your daughter even if she doesn't.”

“...”

“You've been good to me and I'm grateful to have you in my life.Even if I have no one else. Just knowing that I have you…I know that everything will be alright.”

He smiles through the pain in his eyes.

“You're too good for me.” he says, placing his hands on my shoulders.

“For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again” Mkhulu quotes, determination settling on his face.

“Yeah,this is just one of those falls.”