Adored by the Alpha

Chapter 77

"I won't just sit back and look like a pretty little damsel in distress for you, Allen. I love you, and I want to be there with you, for you and for myself. For my family, for all humans who grew up like I did. I'll happily face off every goddamn alpha if I have to do so to get them on board with... whatever plan you and I come up with."

He shook his head, walking up to me - not in a threatening way. Actually, much to my pissed-off ness, he walked up to me in the way in which you'd walk up to a child you're trying to calm down from their tantrum.

"Love, my sweetheart, it's not just gonna be the two of us deciding something and then we'll magically convince all the others to agree with us and we'll all live happily ever after forever and ever in peace and harmony. That's not politics, that's not what being an alpha is. My love, I was raised for this, trained for it since birth. I know the balances here. I know the dynamics, the power plays. You don't. And..." he sighed.

"It could be an outright disadvantage. You showing too much emotion, not respecting a certain person the way you ought, it could make my position much weaker. Not to mention that it'll make me seem weak for making you be my emotional support when you're the one who needs it."

Anger churned in my stomach. "Allen, I am your mate, and I demand that you let me have some influence in this."

He blinked. "De... demand? Love, what? I... no. no. It's too soon. I love you, with all of my heart. I know where this is coming from, but just because I do doesn't mean I'm going to indulg-"

I sputtered. "Oh, you know where this is coming from, do you? Well, where, then? Please enlighten me!" I threw my hands up in the air. I was yelling too loud. My entire family could most certainly hear everything I was saying.

He gestured to the bed, which was still unmade from when we had gotten up just hours ago. At lunch, approximately 20 minutes ago, he had gotten a phone call and left the living room. When he'd been gone for 15 minutes, I'd gone up to look for him, finding him mid-packing and telling me that he was leaving for New York City within the hour.

I stomped over and took a seat, crossing my arms and waiting. He sighed And stood in front of me, his arms crossed as well. For the first time in a long time, we were entirely closed off to one another. "You are overcompensating." he said. "You've been through a very traumatic experience. And I'm sorry, so, so sorry about that, but you can't get your revenge and save the world by going with me to New York. Love, arguing with a bunch of Alpha's won't change what happened. You're in a vulnerable place-"

My fists began shaking. "Enough! Allen, I..." the words died in my throat as I looked at hime. I turned my face town, looking at my toes. I held my hands straight out to lay out the facts. "Allen, what happened... what he did and tried to do was scary and I'll carry it with me for the rest of my life. But I am not broken."

I took n a shaky, deep breath to be able to finish what I wanted to say without breaks, without stopping. "You calling me vulnerable, saying that I'm a risk because I'm too emotional, that It's too soon when I know that I want to do this... that makes me feel like I'm damaged. That's what makes me feel like I am fundamentally changed by what happened. So please, please don't treat me like I'm some... broken delicate teacup that you need to super-glue back together. Sure, maybe a little chip broke off, or the paint is flakey, but I'm still functional! I haven't fallen apart, I'm still whole, I'm still useful. Please, don't put me on display in a cabinet. Let me be useful!" I looked up at him, pleading in my eyes. The tears were trailing down my cheeks. Down his, too.

He shook his head. "Love, I... I can't..." He knelt in front of me. He looked down too. Now he seemed unable to meet my eyes. "I don't know how to do this. I've..." A dead laugh left him. "I've been trying to read up on it, at night after I'm sure you're asleep. Tried to read up on how to help you, how to offer the correct form of support so that I don't make this any harder for you. I have no idea what I'm doing, and with all this shit on top, I just can't..." He shook his head.

I grabbed his face and titled it up. Pushed the hair out of his face. I tried to smile. "Allen, I have no idea how to do this either, I mean, I'm trying to follow the therapist's advice. I am doing my best too. I don't know exactly what you're supposed to do either, but I know that you pushing me to the side to protect me and spare me is most definitely not helping. So let me make myself clear – I am going to New York with you. If you do not allow me to go, I will sneak into the cargo. And if I can't manage that, I'll use my Alpha mate privileges to get someone to fly me there in a damn helicopter. understood?"

He sighed with a little smile, looking both defeated and relieved. "Pack your stuff. Quickly. I'll explain the situation to your family. We're leaving in..." he looked at his wristwatch. "30 minutes. So get your beautiful butt moving, okay?" He pecked my lips. 

 I nodded, relief washing over me, and headed straight over to find my suitcase while Allen headed downstairs. 

27 minutes later, we were in a car speeding towards the outskirts of the little town, out to where a small propeller plane would be taking us to a larger airport from which a jet that Allen had rented would be flying us on to New York.

**********

I decoratedfor Christmas in my own apartment this weekend. That was a pain and a half in my ass.

I'm really tired and I have a 9 AM lecture tomorrow - although that one will be easy to get up for, since it'll be on human remains. I'm real good with the bones!

I love you all so so so so so so much. 

Fun fact: I am absolutely obsessed with Helluva Boss. I love that series. It is torture having to wait for new episodes. Also, Fizz and Ozzie are the type of dynamic and sweet cutesy couple I aim to write.