Hit and Run

Chapter 10: Meaningless Encounter (Wolfe's POV)

I arrive at Vivian's house. The smell of cinnamon rolls and cats hits my nostrils. There's something off-putting about kitty litter that I can't quite put my finger on. It's a disturbing sandbox full of unwanted surprises.

I'm only here with her because sex is available and at the ready. But there's this part of me that doesn't want to be here. Would Annie think less of me if I had one more one-night stand? Do one-night stands really hurt anyone? They tell us they do, and that a piece of our soul is scattered among the people we experience intimacy with.

Do I really want to experience another meaningless night with someone I hardly know when she is not Annie? Do I really want to expose myself to numbness and that endless feeling of empty silence that follows? Is there really nothing more to existing than this all-consuming loneliness?

I've never been good alone. Alone brings out my stupidity. My stupid comes out and dumb decisions always follow. I promise myself it won't happen again or that next time won't happen, but then next time comes around and it's fun in the moment. Then a next time is followed by more empty hallowed next times.

It was never my dream to become this ghost inside, who puts walls up. I'm like Bethany in a lot of ways, she keeps her emotions away because she's scared of Evan. I keep them away because suicide is only a teardrop away.

It's not that I want to die. But the universe has made life endless. We go year to year getting older until we become like babies all over again. I won't want to wither away like that and have people wait on me. I always figured I'd die young like that Marilynn Monroe actress.

"Mr. Wolfe come in come in. I bought new lingerie just for you. I got leopard pattern. You strike me as a leopard-loving man. I'll go into the bedroom and get ready for you. You just relax."

Vivian runs into her bedroom and starts stripping. My appetite for this is barely there, it's like something's distracted my drive or someone's caught my gaze.

"Come on in, Wolfe." I walk into her room. She's put effort into our evening. Vivian lies on the bed in a sexy pose. She's on her stomach and her ass cheeks are poking out of a leopard printed thing. She presses her cleavage together and I walk over.

She grabs my hand and puts it on her breast. Her soft breasts waken me up. I pull on her nipples a little and listen to her breath. Her perfume smells like lilac.

Her bra comes off and I start sucking on her chest. It doesn't matter who's breasts they are, as long as I can consume them. She removes my shirt, and presses her soft chest against mine. She removes the buckle on my pants and my hard-on is ready for something.

She pulls my pants down and starts to suck the tip of my length. This might be as far as I go with her tonight. Maybe a blow job is enough for tonight. She claws my back and sucks on more of my cock. I let her dig marks into me like she's marking her territory for later. My anger makes me cum faster and she let's me come in her mouth. It all happens too fast. This meaningless encounter with a woman I don't love ends. The high of sex is over, and the woman isn't Annie.

My sexual fantasy got the better of me again. My soul is scattered once more, belonging to someone else. My soul is divided among Vivian's, Kit's, Angela's, and Kristi's. I'm sure I've fucked more, I don't know all their names.

She puts my pants back on and puts her bra back on. She acts a little sheepish as though I've offended something in her.

"Do I bore you that much? You can't even fuck me back? You must have it bad for some other girl."

She has no idea how right that sentence is. How meaningless all this feels to me.

"I don't know what my problem is, but I am certain it is not that."

I know it's a lie. I can't talk about Annie. Talking about Annie is a confession of feelings, ones I'm ashamed to have. I've been too hurt to go on. Evan knew I liked her but he scooped her up because I'm shy.

Being shy is a curse if you're a guy. Shyness doesn't get girls. Boldness and bravery, that's bound to get you laid.

"Well whatever her name is, I hope it works out. I think it best, Mr. Wolfe, if our relationship comes to an end. Not that this wasn't fun. But I need someone who needs me, I'm sure you can understand that."

I look at Vivian one last time and know that ending this, whatever it is, is probably for the best. I was never meant to be with her. If I cleaned up my act, could someone out there be for me? I never thought I'd get lonely from one-night stands and the occasional fling, but I'm getting to the age where I regret the bad boy vibe I've identified myself with.

Is it too late to grow up and reinvent myself? It's too late for Bethany and I to ever be something.

"Thanks, Viv. And you're right there's someone else. But she's not into me like that."

"If it's meant to be Mr. Wolfe then it will happen. Can I give you one piece of advice?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Clean up your act a little. Your bad boy routine works in bars, but it doesn't work for women who want a long-term relationship."

How is it she read my mind so easily? Some women can read me like a book and boy is she one of them right now.

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. Take care, Viv. It was fun while it lasted. And best of luck to you too."

No more one-night stands, no more meaningless sex. No more feeling empty. If I want her, I need to go and get her. She ain't married yet, and with Evan going on that business trip soon maybe that's my window to change her mind. It might be the only chance I've got.

I leave Vivian's house on the back of my motorcycle. I pick up speed as the sun rise blinds me. Time to see if Bethany's worth pursuing or not. I must be out of my mind.