An Angel's Vice

Chapter 20 - Think & Reflect

The little voice in her head telling her to run away and never come into contact with Lauren again was blocked out by her newfound hunger for pleasure and control.

"You need to leave. Now. My brother will be here any moment, and I need to go back home and think," Camila pushed her away, her hand flying to the blue and white diamond cross against her heaving chest.

"Fine, fine," Lauren sighed, squirming in her seat with her forearms over her groin. "When can I see you again then?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"Nope."

"Is this your way of telling me you're not really feeling me or...?"

"It's not that. I just don't want you to get ahead of yourself and think I'm that kind of girl. This was me satisfying my curiosity, not me falling in love with you or signing up to be one of your whores," Camila said a lot harsher than she intended it to come out.

Lauren scoffed and faced ahead, throwing her hand on the steering wheel for something to squeeze to death. She swallowed dryly and bit the inside of her cheek like it was a tough piece of steak.

"What?"

"Nada," Lauren pushed her lip up, the crease between her brows gradually becoming more defined. "You just hurt my feelings, that's all. Pero está bien." (But it's okay.)

"How did I hurt your feelings? By making it clear that I'm not that kind of girl?"

"Nah, you assuming I think you're that kind of girl is what got me fucked up. I show a lot of respect for you. I'm fucking crazy about you, and you're painting me as some pendejo who doesn't give a fuck and only wants to use you for sex. That's crazy."

"I just don't want that to be our relationship."

"So then let me win your heart over in peace. 'Cause I never said that's the only thing I want from you. My fucking fault for liking it too much, though," Lauren rattled the car with the bouncing of her knee as she looked out the window, her fist pressing against her mouth.

Camila glanced at her profile and quickly looked at her hands, blushing to herself. "You do?"

"What?"

"Like it too much? You weren't lying about that?"

Lauren looked her up and down, genuinely puzzled. "Why would I lie about that?"

"Okay. What if I liked it too much as well? Would you take advantage of me?"

"No, of course not. If it were up to me, you'd be my girl. But it's not up to me, it's up to you. So do you want that or no? Because I'm very confused about this conversation."

"No, I don't want that. Not in the sense that you're asking—that's impossible. I need to figure out what I want from you that is realistic and what I'm okay with. But while I do that, can you not go with someone else? I won't pretend like that wouldn't hurt my feelings, because it will. I'd feel so insecure..."

"Mami, there's no one else I want. But you just said you're not interested in falling in love with me, and you're just satisfying your curiosity, right? So what am I being loyal to? Why would I say yes to that?"

"Just...please don't be with another girl. You won't get it—I'm not sure I even fully get it. I just know that it'd kill me. I'd feel so bad...like I'm not special to you and what we did wasn't special. I'm sorry, I know it's not fair—"