the Bleeding Crown

Noble Rose

January 11th, 2014

Summerville, California

"And who can tell me the name of the Knight who found the Holy Grail?" Mr. Anderson asked the class. My brain barely registered the question, my head was on the desk. My arm screamed at me with pain, it was all I could do not to burst out into tears.

"Anybody?" the teacher asked. "Nobody?" I could hear him walking softly through the room. "Bonnie? Since you have time to sleep in my class, surely you know." he said.

"Busted." Isabelle giggled behind me.

I raised my head and squinted at him. "What was the question?" I asked, the other students began to laugh quietly.

"Ahem, can you tell me the name of the knight who found the holy grail?" he asked again.

Mr. Anderson was one of my favorite teachers, and normally I loved this class. AP history was fun most of the time, this particular section covered Arthurian legends.

"Ummm, Ser Gawain?" I said. He looked wounded, like an injured boar.

"No Miss Roseman, the correct answer is Ser Percival." his hands fell to his side. "If any of you had done your required reading you would have known this. He tapped his fingers on my desk. "Particularly you Bonnie, I expect better from you." Mr. Anderson finished. He wasn't wrong, but I wasn't feeling myself.

He walked away and continued the lesson. Isabelle nudged my side with her pencil and I turned around. "Are you okay?" she mouthed. I shrugged and turned back to face the front, but something caught my eye. Roxy was staring at me from her corner desk, she had this look of sadness on her. Our eyes met, her eyes then hers shot to the floor.

***

I put my things away in my bag, my copy of Le Morte d'Arthur sat looking at me on my desk. I sighed and flipped through the pages, which had been meticulously marked with sticky notes and highlighter. I should have known the stupid question.

"What did you bring for lunch?" Isabelle asked, lifting her bag onto her shoulder. It was half her size and I'm pretty sure she struggled to carry it around.

"Nothing, I didn't feel like bringing anything." I said.

her hands slammed down on the desk and her eyes pierced right through me. "What's going on?" she asked.

I put the book away. "Nothing, I'm just tired." I said. She grabbed forearms and I winced. She bared her teeth and then pulled me up from the seat, I grabbed my bag as she charged through the classroom door.

We bolted down the open air hallways and entered the nearest restroom and she kicked open the handicapped stall. She sat me down and she put her hands on her hips.

"Lift up your sleeves." she demanded.

I shook my head, "Bella, I don't have time for this." I said. I went to get up but she shoved me back down. Either I was just too weak to fight, or she was stronger than I thought.

"Sleeves, now!" she snarled. I sighed and rolled up my shirt. My forearms were bandaged, she peeled back the wrappings and then kneeled down in front of me. "Bonnie, I'm gonna say this the nicest way I can. You're a fucking idiot." she said. I couldn't hide from her, she was right. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I fell into her arms.

"It's not getting any better." I cried. "I just feel so empty all the goddamn time." she wrapped her arms around me.

"Oh dear, okay, you're okay." she whispered in my ear. I grabbed onto her shirt tightly, she was all that kept me from spiraling into a death soaked agony.

The restroom door opened, Isabelle's head shot up. Roxy, of all people, leaned against the stall door and peered in. "What the hell do you want?" Isabelle spat. Roxy put her hand up in a silencing motion.

"Can I just talk to you?" she asked. I don't think she even registered Isabelle's existence at the moment. She had tunnel vision, and that led her directly to me.

"Roxy, are you fucking serious? This is hardly the time." Isabelle scoffed. I let go of her shirt and looked her in the eyes.

"It's fine, I'll meet you outside." I said. She blinked at me, and then back at Roxy.

"Fine, but if you hurt her I'll kill you." Isabelle told Roxy. She wiped the tears from my eyes and left.

"What do you want, Roxy?" I said through sniffles.

She took a sharp breath and took Isabelle's spot. "Been there." she said pointing at my wrists. "Though not as bad." her eyes were wide with recognition. She pointed out three small scars on her arm. "I'm glad she's here for you." looked back at the restroom entrance. "David's only good for some things, if you know what I mean." She was being sincere.

"I'm sorry you felt that way." I said. She leaned against the stalls wall. 

"It was a while ago, freshman year, my parents were fighting and I felt so empty." she finished.

"Anyway, we have that meeting together in an hour and I wanted to apologize beforehand. For yesterday." My throat was dry, and my eyes itched. "I was just so angry, and I took it out on you." she rubbed her nose. "Got me good, you hit like a goddamn truck Roseman." she laughed. I peered up at her and a small smile flashed across my face.

"Gonna hold it against me if I told you it made me feel good?" I asked.

She nudged my foot with hers. "I'll see you in a bit Bonnie, I hope things get better for you." and then she left.

***

"Now, I don't expect you two to hang out with each other outside of class." Miss Alessia put two cups of tea in front of us. We met in the library, neutral ground. Roxy sat across from me, and the counselor sat at the far end of the table. "Just talk, like normal people, not enemies."

Roxy blew on her cup and looked at me with soft eyes. "Why did you lie the other day? When you said you tried to talk to me."

The girl's eyes widened as she took a sip of her drink. "You seriously don't remember?" Roxy asked. I shrugged,

"Remember what?" I asked.

The girl sighed, "Freshman year, after Brock broke up with you. You were crying behind the bleachers and I tried to comfort you." She said,

I breathed out, "There was a lot going on, it was nothing against you." I said. Roxy sighed and took a drink of her tea.

"We all have a lot going on, but like I said, you've always been above us. And no matter how much I try to hate you, for some reason I can't." she said.

"I've never understood that, why do people love me so much?" I asked.

She squinted at me and cocked her head. "You have really, really good cheekbones." We both started to laugh, filling the room with a sweet somber sound. For all the good it did, today, maybe I made a new friend.