Roommates | Solby Smut

1. The Beginning of Everything

TW: SH, mentions of death

Colby's POV

Do you ever feel like you're in an ocean and you are drowning? The feeling of your head going underwater and just as you come up for air another wave crashes down on you. Well, that is what it feels like every day for me. That constant feeling of being underwater, screaming but no one can hear you. Maybe I am alone out here, or maybe I just am not screaming loud enough. Maybe I am being dramatic, maybe I am overthinking everything, maybe this is just all in my head, but it all feels so real to me.

This all started 3 months ago when my boyfriend passed away. I can't recall much of what happened that night or the nights to follow, but I can tell you it has hurt more than anything I have ever felt. Life is tough enough being an openly gay man, and it's harder when the one person who loved you ends up leaving. I have been trying so hard to stay strong for him, but it hurts. Everything hurts.

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"Colby it's time to leave. I want to beat the other families to check in" my mom yells from the bathroom. I am going to college today, but not just any college I decided to go to UCLA. I needed to get away from Kansas and start fresh in a place that is new and exciting. Since the death of my boyfriend, I have needed something new, and I hope this helps. I am a little sad to be leaving behind my family, but I am ready for a new adventure.

"Are you ready to go?" my mom asks me.

"Yeah, I guess so," I say putting on my shoes.

"Alrighty then lets go."

We leave the hotel room and head to the lobby. The car is packed and ready to go and we get in and head off to my new home for the next four years.

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"Colby where is the bedding?" my mom asks me as she rummages through boxes.

"It's in the box labeled bedding Mom. Where else would it be?" I say, peaking my head into the room from the bathroom. Luckily, I got here before my roommate, so I was able to pick my room and start unpacking before he got here. I ended up not picking a roommate in time, so they put me with a random guy, which I guess isn't horrible, but I am not sure how he will be. I opted for the suite-style room since I don't plan to go home very often. My room has two separate rooms, one for me and one for my roommate, a kitchen, a bathroom we share, and a small living room. The school supplied the main furniture which was nice since I came here from so far away. I have all my items in the bathroom, and most of my room is finished before my mom leaves for her flight.

"Promise me to call and text at least once a week, be nice to your roommate, and stay strong. I know the past few months haven't been easy for you but try for me" my mom says before she leaves.

"I will Mom. Have a safe flight home and let me know when you land" I say hugging her tightly.

"I love you, Colby."

"I love you too Mom"

My mom gives me a little wave before she leaves. Not long after she leaves, I am done with my room and have moved on to unpacking all the miscellaneous items when I hear the door to the dorm open. In walks a short blonde boy with ocean-blue eyes. He didn't notice me at first, but I eventually cleared my throat to make my presence known.

"Oh hi, I uh didn't see you there. Sam." he extends his hand to me after dropping his suitcase on the floor.

"Colby, it's nice to meet you. I uh went ahead and took the room on the left if you don't mind. I am done unpacking so if you need any help let me know" I say to Sam.

"Cool yeah, that's fine. I could use some help bringing things up from downstairs if you don't mind."

"Yeah, sure let me go get some shoes on," I say heading into my room and grabbing some shoes before following my new roommate outside to gather the rest of his belongings.

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We finished bringing up his belongings and unpacking the rooms a little after 9pm. It's well after 2am now but I just can't bring myself to fall asleep. I don't sleep well anymore since my boyfriend's death, so most nights are spent with me and my thoughts. Hopefully one of these days I can get back to feeling normal, and I hope this change is good for me, but for now I will lay here awake with my demons in my head, and a new roommate sleeping next door.  

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I guess I finally fall asleep at some point because I wake up sweating, crying, and shaking. I of course had another nightmare about my now-dead boyfriend. I look at my phone and see that it is 8 in the morning. I don't hear Sam out of bed, so I make my way to the bathroom. I lock the door and grab the bag with all my shower items in it from under the sink. I rummage through the bag until I find what I am looking for. My old friend is staring at me, glistening silver and screaming at me to use it. I take the blade and my shower items and get in the shower. I turn up the heat and get in, letting the scorching water burn my body and head. The tears are still streaming down my face as I take the blade and run it across my arms. Little droplets of blood seep out and the water burns the open wounds, but somehow this is soothing. I continue to make cuts until it feels right. I finish my shower, grab my towel, and head to my room. I change into a pair of black jeans and a hoodie and make my way to the kitchen to start my already shitty day.