The Psychology of Falling in Love

X. the past

AN: TW CENTRAL. Physical abuse, emotional abuse, SA implications, self harm, all the no-no-no's. 

♫ Pray - Jessie Murph ♫

There was spilled spaghetti sauce and glass all over the floor. Children scrambled away from the mess and anxiety made the air nauseating. Only one child didn't move, a young girl with golden curls and empty hazel eyes.

"Claire, did you do this?" A man gruffed out.

She looked up at him and nodded, not uttering a word. The man pulled her to the pantry by her hair, slamming it open and shoving her inside.

"Clean it."

The girl nodded, still silent. She grabbed the mop and a bucket, shuffling over to the sink to fill it with water. The other children watched from the side, their eyes wide. As the girl attempted to ignore the stinging rage of her hair follicles, she put a small squirt of dish soap into the bucket.

Once the floor was mopped cleaned, she ventured back to the pantry to grab the broom. The man stepped in her way, blocking the door. His smile was sinister.

"Pick up the glass by hand."

♦

By the time Claire was 11, she was known as a childhood vigilante. It was listed in her mile-long file that she often took the punishments of other children as her own. For this, she was constantly moved from home to center, home to center.

She had been in the foster care system since she was 2 years old. The state shrink diagnosed her with ADHD early on. Depression soon followed, then raging anxiety. Anger issues led them to believe she needed to be monitored for a mood disorder.

The adults thought Claire couldn't hear them when they spoke about her.

She's on so many medications, we can't take her on.

Are you sure she's good with other children?

Goodness, how many times has she been suspended?

No, she's too old.

Her eyes look dead.

Does she ever smile?

♦

Spankings and belt whoopings were the price of life for Claire St. James. However, the first and only time a grown adult touched her inappropriately, she was 12 years old. She was stationed at a foster home in St. Louis, Missouri. The couple that took her in had 5 other kids living in confined quarters that barely passed state law.

They called the children their money-makers. They received monthly checks from the state to care for them, which were whittled down quickly by alcohol or frivolous purchases. Claire learned how to cook using very limited food items.

She was the oldest of the children and took full responsibility for the younglings.

So when she walked in on the burly, filthy man of the house attempting to touch one of her little sisters, she ran at him like a ferocious dog. She bit him, scratched him, screamed at him. She did all she could to take his focus off of Amy, who was 6.

It worked.

Claire emerged from the room with a black eye. Her hazel irises showed no emotion as she limped to the kitchen and began to cook that night's dinner – ramen with vienna sausages.

In two weeks, they were all separated once more. She never saw little Amy again.

♦

At 16, a lot of the kids Claire grew up with were behind bars. Claire, however, got a job at McDonald's and joined after-school programs like debate and cheer. Anything to keep her busy.