Adored by the Alpha

Chapter 76.9

Nirajit talked to me, calmly and in a way that I could understand. That my feelings were normal. That a lot of people, especially women, had experienced what I had and dealt with the same feelings, like you had been personally victimized by the universe in spite of the fact that it could have been anyone. The fear, the deep bone rattling fear that comes along with knowing how horribly people can treat other people for no real reason at all. How some sick, twisted people don't see women as human beings, as autonomous conscious people.

"How have you been coping since you got home?" he then asked. "Have there been any panic attacks? Have you had the sensation of being safe?"

"I... I freaked out in the hospital as I was being discharged. A man sat in a seat next to me and his leg touched mine, and I know it was just his leg put it just felt so... so..." I clutched my hands. "He was in my space."

Nirajit nodded, and I could hear the keys of his laptop clicking as he wrote something on the other end of the line. "And how did you deal with that?

"What do you mean?"

"How did you de-escalate the situation? Were you given medication, did you use a strategy to ground yourself?"

"Allen helped me. He was at my side and then the world was back around me where it belonged."

The tapping sound appeared again in the speaker of the laptop in front of me. "And how have your relations with Allen been since your return? Do you feel it's the same as before your kidnapping?"

"He... he's just as affectionate. Protective. There for me, just as he always is." I shrugged.

"I know that the incident happened fairly recently, but some assault survivors do turn to hypersexuality as a means to get a sense of control over their own bodies again. To feel like they're in charge of their sexual experiences once more. Have you and Alpha Allen done anything like that? Have you been intimate since the incident, or does the wound still feel too fresh for you?"

"I, uhm..." I blushed and wrapped my arms around myself. Nirajit reminded me that I didn't have to answer if I wasn't comfortable doing so. I told him that it wasn't that, that I just needed a moment to think. Then he'd glanced at the clock at the corner of his screen, and said that our time was essentially up and that he had another patient to speak to.

Although he had given me homework. "Before our next session a week from now, I'd like for you to try to formulate a sense of your new relationship to your body. It changes fundamentally after an assault. Get a sense of your body and sexuality - perhaps speak with your partner about it, too. We'll take it from there next week, and then we can start looking at how we can heal the relationship to your body. Coping strategies and self care. Goodbye."

He left the chatroom, and I was alone in the little office Allen had allowed me full disposal over for my therapy talk. I closed the laptop and began to gather up the ripped up tissue pieces and snotty tissues.

Allen was exactly where he'd said he'd be – in the couch by the fireplace of our bedroom in the cabin. I knocked on the door to get his attention.

His expression turned from deep concentration on his computer to poorly concealed concern when he met my eyes. "Hey there, Love. How was therapy? How are you?"

I shrugged "It was fine. He's nice. He gave me homework, aha." I said and wrapped my arms around myself.

Allen tapped the seat beside him, and so I closed the bedroom door behind me and sat next to him, resting my head against his side. "What kind of homework?"

I bit my lip and sighed. "Just to, y'know, get a sense of how I feel about myself, my relationship with my body."

"Oh," he said and closed the computer in front of him down a little, so it was still turned on but you couldn't see the screen. "Okay. Is that... I don't know. How do you feel?"

I shook my head. "I'm not sure I know yet." I huddled a little closer to him, and he reached his hand down to take mine.

"Okay," he said, nuzzling my hand with his thumb. He kissed the top of my head. "I love you. I'm here for you. Always and forever, until my dying breath." 

**********

A/N

So the guy I was seeing was a wad.

Who the fuck brings a friend on a date? Why?

Anyway, hint taken that he doesn't like me. Now I just need to get my stupid brain to fully understand that we don't like him either. 

Have I been looking up weddingdresses for sale on Facebook Marketplace with a deep sense of hopelessness and emptiness in my heart all night? Possibly.

Alright, Love yas <3