BLEAK

Excuses

Chapter Twenty-Three

A Week Later...

Maybe I had overdone it, or maybe the skin tight dark red dress I wore would land me a date. I was thankful that it reached my knees and that the neckline was pretty close to a turtle neck. Either way I would not have considered wearing the damn thing. The matching heels had begun to cramp my toes. I had considered wearing flats but I was desperate to find myself a date so that I could reassure Gunner that I was happy. A week had gone by and I had had no such luck. I had tried the mall, a coffee shop, and even online dating, but nothing seemed to work.

"Why not tell him you are happy? He won't know the truth." Mariel suddenly suggested.

I stopped short of reaching the bouncer near the door and considered her words. "No he will know, trust me." I replied.

"I don't think I'll be able to connect with anyones wolf. I am not ready to move on." She said.

"Mariel, we need to do this, for Gunner." I insisted.

"Oh, so now he's Gunner, before he was simply "The Alpha". Well forgive me for not feeling convinced. It seems to me that you are lying to yourself." She pressed.

"I know you are still upset, and you have all the right to be, but we do need to move on with our lives. His soul is not at rest and won't be until we both find someone to love us." I argued.

"Where are you going to find a man to fall head over heels for you in such a short time?" She asked.

"I have to try, okay. I let him die, Mariel. I let him give his life for the Nation and did nothing to try and protect him. Jeremiah was right, I had taken an oath to do everything in my power to secure his life and when it came down to it I let him die." I said. I felt my lip tremble as I thought about it. The only way I'd be able to redeem myself was if I moved on with my life and proved to Gunner once and for all that I was capable of love.

"Proceed." She whispered, in a whiny tone.

I took a deep breath and with confidence walked over to the bouncer who stood aside to let me in once I handed him the flyer in my hand. "Welcome to singles night." He said, before I walked inside. I felt my chest tightened as I walked through a dark narrow green hall. The music bounced heavily, the vibration flooding like waves through my feet and up to my chest.

"Do we know how to dance?" Mariel asked, as I finally made it into a large coat room.

"You know we don't know how to dance." I said with a faint smile on my lips.

"Well, I am sure one of these single Lycans will show us how." She mused.

I shook my head and smiled as I reached two tall glass doors, that through them displayed the large heap of single lycans in Cobalt. There was flashing lights, men and women grinding against one another. Some sat near the bar, downing drinks, and some shared a decent meal to the far end where black covered tables showed heart shaped lamps.

"First time?"

I turned to face a stranger, the guy reeked of too much cologne and had a terrible comb over. He looked nothing like he did.

"Yeah, first time." I forced myself to say. He reached over and took my hand, with a push he opened the door for me to walk in as he followed along. With confidence he placed a hand to the small of my back and began to gently rub the spot. The sensation felt unwelcoming as I pushed away from him, feeling my face flame in anger. This wasn't an invitation to touch me, I didn't think I had given him any indication that I had wanted him to touch me at all.