This Life

Chapter 38

Meredith was currently in the land between a deep sleep and being awake and could tell that it was already daylight. She could still feel Derek lying beside her, snoring lightly with arm across her chest. She smiled.

She began to wonder why Beth was not singing down the monitor to them. 'That child is going to be a morning person just like her dad' Meredith thought as she opened her eyes and blinked. Where was she?

This was not their bedroom in the new house, nor was it their room in the Queen Anne house. This was her bedroom in London – 'What am I doing here?' Meredith thought.

Then it hit her. Dad was dead, her argument with Derek, and now Molly...

She could hear Derek yelling at her:

"You should be on my side, my side Meredith after all that is what I hired you to do..."

"I hired you to look after and keep her safe. I told you to keep her away from Addison and you disobeyed me!" Derek roared.

"I'm just the nanny right?" Meredith replied.

Derek was silent but the look on his face spoke volumes.

Meredith quickly detached herself from Derek's embrace and stood up, grateful that she had not woken him as she tip-toed out the door and headed for the bathroom.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror and noticed her pale complexion and the dark circles under her eyes.

"Oh God," she groaned as she remembered the events of the previous evening where she practically threw herself at Derek begging him to sleep with her, but he refused.

'He did not want to take advantage' she thought as she remembered how tightly he held her in her arms and calmed her down. She could remember feeling his tears landing on her shoulders.

'He still loves me,' she thought 'that day at the hospital he was upset and wasn't thinking straight... but that hadn't been the first time he had snapped at me.'

Meredith's head was swimming as nearly every promise Derek had ever made flashed through her head at that moment.

'I want more kissing. More kissing I say. I want to spend every free moment I have with you.'

'Meredith as far as I am concerned you are Beth's mother. You love her more than what Addison ever did. Of course I don't mind.'

'Tonight you are going to have good memories.'

'I'm not ready to share you just yet – well except with Beth'

'Fine I was only trying to help.'

'Sorry Meredith, but I really cannot stomach your pancakes this morning, but I do know how you can help – feed Beth so she stops the bloody opera routine. My head is sore enough as it is.'

'You are far more important to me Meredith.'

'I have my real family right here. That's what is important."

'That's right – we are. I love you.'

'I am always going to be by your side Mer. Never forget that,'

'Beth is my daughter and I say what we take and do not take to my parent's house,'

'She is my daughter, and I want her in her party dress,'

'I'll not think about that now...' Meredith thought as she stepped into the shower – she had enough to think about at the moment.

As soon as the hot water hit her shoulders she closed her eyes and immediately saw Beth twirling around her bedroom on her birthday in her party dress. She missed her so much and truthfully Beth was the only person who was keeping her sane.