ouis POV: An apocalyptically small meeting
The boys were seated on the sofa in front of Harry and me, eyes wary, anxiously awaiting our words.
It was at Liam’s flat where we announced to them that we needed to have ‘serious’ chat to all of them. Harry and I discussed with each other if it would be better to tell them individually or as a group. We chose the latter option. My eyes were shut securely with the fear of rejection, but hope soared through my veins. I knew the boys would accept us, yet at the same time I was scared they would think poorly of us or look at us differently. I think my biggest fear is that they will have disgusted and inappropriate thoughts about us when we’re hanging out.
I looked at Harry, biting my lip with caution. His eyes were warily watching me, his gaze seeping down into my bones and making me shiver with anticipation. His eyes seemed to warm me, making some of the worry disappear. Nonetheless, it was still there – still lingering in my blood, snapping right back into place when I had finally believed it was gone.
I hate my stupid body with its stupid ways of controlling my stupid feelings.
I sighed, shutting my eyes – full of blue fear – before flashing them open boldly. “Look, boys…nothing bad has happened. Everything is okay, there’s just something that’s come…up, as such.”
Niall’s eyes narrowed as his eyes flickered suspiciously between Harry and I. But the moment passed as he shoved another chip into his gob. Another second went by, and Liam spoke, clearly confused. “Then…are you going to tell us or are you going to stare at us like we’re pieces of food Niall’s about to inhale?”
Niall’s eyebrows shot up, and his body turned in Liam’s direction where he looked at him with a mean ‘bitch-stare’. I chuckled, but nodded. “Harry’s going to tell you.” I faced Harry, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, refusing to not have physical contact with him at this time.
He shut his eyes, clearly annoyed with me, but they opened again and they were bright green and I got immediately lost in them. “Bastard…” he whispered to himself, loud enough for only me to hear. I laughed silently, almost breathlessly, and I had to cover my mouth with my hand to stop myself. “Well, yeah. Louis’ right – there’s nothing wrong.”
Zayn rolled his eyes, “what’s going on? I have my haircut in twenty minutes…I don’t want to miss it!” Niall laughed loudly, instantly choking on a chip he was swallowing. Liam groaned, and began patting his back roughly. Zayn no move to help, he just looked straight ahead, face blank and emotionless.
When Niall had contained himself, and got his breath back, we lapsed into another pool of silence. I nudged Harry with my elbow conspicuously, and he flinched slightly. I knew he knew what I was telling him – and he’d better do it soon.
Harry had always had more confidence than me, even though I was sometimes a lot louder and bolder than he was. He was just naturally born with it, whilst I had to force myself to have it. My X-Factor performance was woven through with fear and stage-fright, but now I didn’t get it as bad, but it was still there. Harry, however, walked onto that stage (and he still does) with his head held high without a care in the universe. I honestly wish I had that.
“Louis and I…are…um,” he stopped short, unsure of how to carry on. He looked over at me, eyes wide and alert and fuming with humiliation and fear.
I swallowed loudly, and Harry watched me, obviously pained. I knew this would happen… the fear was something neither of us could contain. It was beyond belief the feeling that was soaring through me at this time. It was a mixture of fear – rejection mainly – but also the undeniable realisation that this was it. This was the moment I had always wanted: the truth, the announcement of the truth. But now that it was here, it was one of the last things I would – or could – ever want. However, I still want them to know…I still want to be with Harry. I just don’t want to lose them.
