Harry POV: Wake up, I found heaven amongst this hell
Darkness not only invaded the room, but it invaded my mind with hurtful, painful words.
Why did I say anything? Why didn’t I do anything? Why didn’t I act?
It was pointless asking myself the questions; I would always get the same answer: I’m a coward. I’m scared of what Louis will say, and honestly, I’m not willing to risk my friendship with him. I don’t think I could ever do that. I would rather have his friendship than to love him when he would be disgusted by me and to lose that friendship altogether.
I need to change my thought patterns, quickly; I think I’m losing my mind. Everything I do always ends up including Louis, all I think about always rotates back around and into something about Louis or Louis related – it’s unstoppable, and unfortunately, unresolvable. There is no cure to this sickness I have.
I lay wide awake on the sofa bed, Louis fast asleep beside me. Luckily for him he had no trouble falling asleep, because he wouldn’t have had this on his chest. He didn’t know – he wasn’t expecting it. But I was. I was expecting myself to do this. I needed to do this. I had to, I had to! But I couldn’t.
I would count down from three, and when I got to one, I’d chicken out and I wouldn’t do it. I had to teach myself that cowardice doesn’t get you where you want to go, it only gets you nowhere. And I didn’t want to go nowhere, I wanted to go in the better direction with Louis where I was allowed to love him with all my heart, and not in secrecy anymore.
Louis sighed in his sleep beside me, and I turned my head to him, and I smile pleasantly at him. He was adorable as he slept. He was generally silent, but tonight he was louder and was making strange noises. Also, he was whispering words I couldn’t quite make out, which was starting to bother me greatly.
What was he saying?
I checked my phone, and the clock said 3:13am. I groaned, sinking down on my pillow further. But it was no use, there was no way I was going to be able to fall asleep with this guilt and regret surrounding me. I had to tell him; now. And I was forcing myself to do it.
I reached out, putting my hand on Louis’ shoulder, and I shook it. As expected, a grunt rang out in the silent apartment. I smiled, and his eyes opened slowly and unclearly. He looked at me, confused, but not really noticing the dopey look on his face. I wasn’t sure if he was actually aware of what was happening. I don’t blame him, it was early, and he was probably exhausted.
“What’s going on Harry?” His words were clear, but vaguely croaky and husky from sleep, which was slightly distracting me from what I was trying to do. I shook my head, clearing my mind of its negative thoughts.
I took a deep breath, eyes falling into his. “Louis…I need to tell you something…important. And I need you to listen, and not to say anything till I’m finished – okay?”
Louis’ eyes narrowed, but he nodded in agreement. “Yeah…whatever, okay. What’s up?”
I took another deep breath, eyes closing with fear and my hands shook with nerves. “Ever since I met you Louis…my life…it had purpose. There’s something about you that I can’t quite explain. You’re like magic…you’re a magic man, sharing your heart and soul with people around you, surrounding the world with your greatness and beauty. I can’t explain it…I can’t explain you. You’re too perfect. And your flaws – some people see them as silly and stupid and bad, but I see them as the most amazing thing about you. And your humour never fails to make me laugh, and you’re everything in my world. You make my world Lou!”
