Undercover

Chapter 45

"I'm glad you're awake. How did you sleep?" She tilts her head to the side slightly and shrugs her shoulders. "Could have been better." He shakes his head in agreement and he doesn't need to say anything for her to know that he feels the same way but he still audibly acknowledges the feeling. "I know." He offers with a sigh as the smile on his face slowly melts away. "I'll be back before you know it."

They can see the heartbreak on each other's faces and try not to get lost in it. "You going to talk to Noah today?" He asks softly in an attempt to change the topic to a more lighthearted and happy one. She chuckles slightly before nodding her head with an uneasy look on her face. "Yeah. I think he'll take it well I'm just not sure."

"I hope he does. If he doesn't, what do you think that means for our relationship?" He asks the question that's been plaguing him since they started officially-unofficially dating. She exhales loudly. "We'll figure it out if it comes to that." Not really an answer to his question but he hopes they don't have to worry about it. "Yeah." He replies softly before shooting her a hopeful but slightly worried smile.

"I gotta get going, funeral starts in an hour and I still have to find the place." She nods in acknowledgement. "I'll talk to you later okay?" He looks her over to make sure she's okay. "Keep me updated on the talk with Noah." She nods again in place of an answer as he shuffles through some things on the counter to collect his keys and wallet.

He steps towards the door but turns to say goodbye before stepping out. "Do I look okay?" He feels himself procrastinating. Her heart jumps and she feels flustered by the inclination that in her eyes he could ever look anything less than okay. "Yes. You look very handsome." She restrains from saying the other word that was begging to slip out of her mouth. You look more than okay, you look incredibly hot. She thinks it best not to say it given the reason for his dressed up attire.

He smiles again and lingers at the door for a second. He wants to tell her that he loves her but he doesn't want her to think that it's something he just throws around lightly. He wants her to genuinely know that when he says it he means it with all of his heart and that it's not something he casually says.

Olivia notices his hesitation with leaving and the way he's seemingly staring at her from across the room. She's not sure if he's just taking a second to appreciate the moment or if he's waiting on something. She'd usually be able to come to a logical conclusion by paying close attention to his eyes and his body language but it's hard to tell from so far away.

"Everything okay baby?" The word slips out of her mouth and shes left wondering when she became the woman who not only enjoyed pet names for herself but took habit in using them for others. With that single word he doesn't feel the burning need to express his love for her but feels comfort in doing so. "I love you." He blurts out and the abruptness takes her off guard but warms her insides. "I love you too." He smiles and continues lingering in the door way, her words hanging in the air like a beautiful melody. "Get going, you're going to be late." She raises her eyebrows at him and smiles. 

He chuckles and shoots her a charming smile and a wave before pivoting and closing the door over. "I'll text you as soon as I can." He shouts as the distance between the door and the doorframe closes. When she's left with nothing but the silence in both of their rooms she's surprised by how lonely she suddenly feels. He wasn't even there, he was thousands of miles away yet his presence through a screen still somehow gave her comfort and a sense of intimacy.

She sighs, closes the laptop and reaches down and takes his shirt into her hands to file it back into its place on the hanger in her closet. When she arrives at the closet she finds herself bringing her nose to it once more. She takes a deep breath and tries to ignore the overwhelming emotions creeping through her mind, burning her nose and creating a ball in the middle of her throat. The tears she's been trying to constrain slowly pool out of her eyes onto the material clenched between her fingers.

She's not sure when she became this soft, doe-eyed, weepy woman who cries over the absence of a man but she finds herself wishing, if only for a minute, she could channel her old self-pre Elliot Stabler. In a way post Elliot Stabler-post him leaving her, but still Pre Elliot Stabler-Pre falling madly in love with him all over again. She knows it's crazy for her to miss him after him only being gone a day but that day somehow miraculously felt like a year.

It was implausible, he had only lived with them just shy of a month, yet somehow she had grown completely attached to his presence there. When he was there it felt like the last piece of the puzzle to their lives. She only hoped that Noah feels the same way, not that she wishes him pain but she can only hope he longs for Elliots presence too.

She wipes her eyes, throws the nightgown from last night across her shoulders, and ties it in front of her. She heads down the hallway past the kitchen to Noah's room. When she enters the room he's still asleep but begins to stir a little. She takes a seat on the edge of his bed and rubs a hand through his hair. He slowly begins to open his eyes. "Hey sweetheart." She says and he murmurs an unintelligible hey back as he wipes his eyes.

"What's for breakfast?" His voice is sleepy and quiet as he begins to sit up in bed. "Well you know how we were going to have lunch later today and talk?" He nods comprehensively. "Well I was thinking, why wait. Let's have breakfast instead." His face suddenly lights up. "Can we go to IHOP?" He asks excitedly and she thinks he might burst at the seams when she nods her head yes.  "Hurry up and get dressed." He hurries to pick an outfit from the dresser.

---

When they arrive the lady quickly seats them and asks what they'd like to drink. They place their orders for their food and drinks and Olivia tries to think of the best way to broach the conversation. "So what did you want to talk to me about mom?" Noah asks as he plays with the paper from his straw. "Well sweetheart," she pauses and tries to collect her words her mind racing a mile a minute, caught off guard by him posing the question rather than her starting the conversation herself. "I wanted to talk to you about Elliot." She pauses and tries to gauge his response. "What about Elliot mom?" She smiles and swallows around the nervous lump in her throat. "Well do you like him?"

His face grows happy and cheerful. "Yeah. I like that he plays with me and tucks me in at night. He also gave me advice about everything with Jack and stuff which I liked." When she doesn't say anything and just smiles he grows curious. "Why?" The waitress arrives with their drinks and Olivia scooches hers towards the center of the table. "Well," she starts but Noah interrupts before she can say anything else, "Are you and Elliot dating?" Hes chewing on the end of his straw through a smile.

His abruptness steals all the words right out of her mouth and shes only able to mutter a faint "Um." When Noah sees her reaction his smile grows wider. "If you're not dating I think you should." Her face grows happy but slightly confused. "Why do you say that?" He sips his drink for a moment before responding. "Well he makes you happy doesn't he?"

She side steps his question. "Your happiness means more." He rolls his eyes and exudes a long drawn out sigh. "I'm more than happy mom." His words almost bring tears to her eyes. "I just want you to be happy." He adds and there's no more controlling it. A few years fall from her eyes and Noah hands her a napkin. "Do you love him?" She rubs the napkin across the bottom of her nose and watches Noah- his body is craned towards hers in anticipation of an answer. "I do." She announces as she reaches for his hand.

"Well I like him. And clearly you do too." He jokes eliciting a chuckle. "You should tell him when he gets back." The waiter brings their food and they both exchange a warm smile. "I will." She says letting go of his hand and rubbing her thumb across the flesh of his cheek.

They begin eating their food and she can't seem to wrap her head around how easy that was, or how intuitive Noah is. Was it really that obvious the way that she felt for Elliot? How did Noah notice that? Has everyone noticed? The questions fly through her mind, one after another but there's only one that seems to truly matter to her at the moment.

How much longer until Elliot returns from Rome? She glances down at her phone to check the time and can already feel herself counting down the minutes.