Undercover

Chapter 18

As if she couldn't get any more emotional at the events that have unfolded throughout the night, Elliot's confession stirs a whirlwind of emotions. She suddenly finds herself wishing there was a way to go back in time and capture the moment.

The way she felt as she heard the words flow out of him was simply immeasurable. She wishes that there was a way to preserve this memory so that she could somehow go back and relive it whenever she wanted. She looks into his eyes and can't help but notice the way they bore into her soul, it sends shivers down her spine and makes her feel more naked than the night they took off all their clothes.

She could get lost in his captivating blue eyes for days, they're like a black hole or a Bermuda triangle that pulls you in and suddenly there's no finding your way out. She quickly looks away to refrain from getting lost and succumbing to her urges to kiss him. Everything about him is completely mesmerizing to her.

She spent so many years denying her feelings for him and trying to resist them because she was devastated that no matter how badly she wanted it, she couldn't magically wish the idea of calling him hers into life. She felt that the only way to maintain her sanity was to ignore the way she felt. Every fiber of her being screamed that he was her soulmate from the moment she laid eyes on him, but she knew she would lose herself completely if she entertained even the most basic thought of being with him. Watching him spend his life with someone else was torture enough, she didn't think she needed to torture herself even more.

Looking at him and knowing that he feels the same way that she did all those years, she finds herself desperately wanting to take a leap of faith but she can't help but wonder if he would be there to catch her if she falls.

"I'm scared El." She manages to mutter around the pulsating lump in her throat.

"I know you are, but you don't need to be scared with me Liv."

"I'm scared of how badly I need you-her eyes subconsciously shut as the sentence leaves her mouth-I used to feel like I could control myself before but-" she stops herself and tries to collect her thoughts "But what?" he asks softly taking her hand in his. She looks into his eyes. "There's a huge difference between barriers and fears" She replies simply and without another word he knows exactly what she's saying without any elaboration. His face initially shifts to one of happiness and relief. But changes as she explains.

"I'm scared because I don't know how to be vulnerable, before there were barriers that prohibited me from embracing my feelings so I never even considered how terrifying exploring them might be. He leans in closer with a sympathetic smile willing her to continue-As long as your arms are open I'm always going to run to them. As long as your hands want to touch me, I'll always permit them to. As long as your lips are willing to fall upon mine I'll never be able to abstain from embracing them. You, Elliot Stabler, are the one man I'll never be able to resist even if I desperately wanted to, call be childish, but that petrifies the absolute hell out of me."

He takes a deep exaggerated breath as he closes the remaining distance between them and rests his head against hers. "It's not childish. I feel the same way." He confesses. His hand finds its way to the back of her head and holds it steady against his own as he savors the moment. The warmth of her embrace as her words echo in his mind makes his heart feel full in a way that he's sure he couldn't express even if he tried.

He gently caresses her head with his thumb as they hold each other tightly. It feels like time and everything else slips away and it's just the two of them. Olivia shivers slightly when a breeze of air gushes across the rooftop and he gently rubs the outside of her arm. "As much as I'd like to stand here and hold you until my arms fall off, I should probably get you home. With our luck if I don't get you out of here soon you're going to come down with the plague." He jokes and she's surprised by how effortlessly he makes her laugh despite the intensity that surrounded the nature of the entire night.