Chapter 16 - Dissasociative

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"Memories consume

Like opening the wound

I'm picking me apart again

You all assume

I'm safe here in my room

Unless I try to start again"

Breaking the Habit - Linkin Park

I wake up to the gentle tickle of a soft breeze on my cheeks and a small smile on my lips

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I wake up to the gentle tickle of a soft breeze on my cheeks and a small smile on my lips. Leaving my window open for the breeze leaves my room chilled but it's not unpleasant. It takes a minute to arrange my thoughts while I blink sleep from my eyes. I have hazy memories of Tink trying to help me to bed, only for Matt to have to all but carry her out of the elevator. I get a intense feeling of déjà vu when I discover I am once again wearing Harry's clothing.

Harry.

His hoody is huge on me; it wraps around my small frame in a warm, comforting embrace that has nothing to do with the way it feels physically. It smells like him too. A subtle, clean and masculine scent that is far too pleasant and strangely addictive.

I don't have any idea where to start trying to fathom that man. Last night was one of the most bizarre experiences of my life. Never, not in my wildest imagination, could I have dreamed up a scenario where Harry and I hung out, got high and talked about a fantasy book series. And yet, it happened. It happened after he saved me from that creep and helped me through a panic attack.

I wonder what happened to the guy from the club.

Out of reflex I reach for my phone on my bedside table to check the time, only to remember it is currently switched off and hidden in a drawer.

Reality comes crashing down so violently that the sudden rush of panic makes my stomach churn violently. I'm on my feet in an instant and race to my bathroom. I brace both hands on the sink and stare into the porcelain bowl as I try and get a handle on my anxiety levels.

The thought of turning my phone on and dealing with the onslaught of messages from Evan has me dry heaving; my body desperately trying to purge the non-existent contents of my empty stomach in a vain attempt at stress relief. Every muscle contraction is painful and the previously pleasant frigid air now burns my lungs.

Evan must be so furious. Maybe if I go back now it won't be as bad. If he has to come find me...

I honestly don't know if I would survive a confrontation with him right now.

I raise my head and stare at the bamboo shutters Tink helped me pick to cover the mirror. They can be moved individually so I can control how much of the reflective surface is visible. Tink didn't ask, or even comment, on my odd decorative choice. Instead she helped find just the right ones and recruited Logan to help put them up.

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