Red in the Blue

Chapter 36

Two days later, on the autumn solstice, James dragged Irene up my front walk and knocked on the door. I'd participated in solstice celebrations over the years. Bonfires, potlucks, foraging, canning, tree-felling for firewood and wreath-weaving. But it wasn't a hugely significant holiday for me personally, given that my parents hadn't placed a lot of importance on it. It hadn't occurred to me that it might be significant in New Haven.

I felt guilty as soon as I saw James but invited them both in anyway. James greeted me in her usual way. She looked unperturbed. Irene, however, did not hug me and avoided my gaze as she stepped inside. Liz crowded into the small entryway behind me to meet them, then we all moved into the living room. My stomach garbled tensely, but I forced myself to sit and smile as pleasantly as I could at the two of them.

"We came to invite you both out to solstice tonight," James said from where she sat in a chair dragged away from the breakfast table to face Liz and me on the couch. "There's a big pack thing and, Lore, since you're kind of participating in this pack, we thought you might want to come."

"James thought you might want to come," Irene corrected tersely. "I thought maybe you'd like to lay low for a little while."

Her well-manicured eyebrows seemed more severe than usual. She sat with her legs crossed at the knee, her hands clasped over them. I glanced back and forth between the two of them, feeling my face warming, my mouth going dry. I could feel Liz looking at me meaningfully.

"Lay low because..." I baited. Irene's face was already flashing indignation.

As her mouth opened to answer, James interrupted, "we know you tried to fuck Elias. But I don't think you should stress too much about it."

"Jesus," I said. Run. Just get up and bolt out the door. Go to Wyoming, change your name.

"I'm not mad," James added. Her soft, wavy hair draped over her shoulder, catching the overhead light. She looked even fairer than usual against the navy wall behind her, seated comfortably, her socked feet hooked behind the legs of the chair.

"Why would you specifically be mad?" Liz asked.

"I fuck him sometimes," James explained politely to Liz.

"My god, Lore," Liz muttered.

"I know," I bit back, fiddling with the throw pillow tucked under my arm. "James, I'm really sorry. We can talk about it."

She shrugged.

"We're not exclusive."

I glanced over at Irene, who was chewing on the inside of her cheek, her attention on James.

"Okay but still, I should have checked with you first and also just not done it at all."

"That's all super super true," Irene cut in. James shrugged again.

"James may be earning Friend of the Year award over here," Irene said, turning back toward me, "but I have feelings about this."

"Great," Liz said. "Let's get them out."

"Sorry to pull you into this," Irene gestured toward Liz. "I've heard great things about you, genuinely so nice to meet you."

Liz laughed.

"If Lore's in it, I'm in it. And boy is she in it."

"Okay," I hissed, rolling my eyes at her. "Irene. You have every right to be pissed."

"Fucking Elias?!" she exploded, springing up from her seat, catching herself on the balls of her feet. "He's like the best of the best, dude. We all get that you're spiraling right now—"