Red in the Blue

Chapter 31

In the dark, I noticed a dog perched against the end of the couch, his paws braced against the side like he might jump up and cuddle behind my legs.

"Come on," I said, patting the space behind my curled knees. It didn't move, stayed exactly as it was, just a shadowy outline.

"Come on," I encouraged. "Come up. Up. Here. Up." I snapped my fingers, patted the space behind my legs. Still, the dog didn't move but to turn its head toward me. That's when I realized it wasn't a dog. It was a man.

I couldn't understand the proportions, how he was both upright and leaned over me as if from the hips. I scrambled back, but his face was already over me as if carried by shadow, as if he could jump between pockets of the dark itself. I withdrew into the pillow behind my head as everywhere I looked, horrible faces swirled, grinning grotesquely in front of me, there, in the room.

Light flung itself into every corner, bouncing off the exposed wall of windows. There was no one there now, but my eyes hurried around the room. Cade was at my side, kneeling next to me. His hand closed around mine, and only in the cage of his grasp did I realize I was shivering, starting to shatter into something else.

"There were people here," I said, still searching them out. Cade caught my face between his hands and steadied it.

"There's no one here," he said. "Just us."

"No, I saw them." I tried to shake free of his hands, but they tightened on either side like they might keep the pieces of me together.

No scents but ours in the room. But they had been some other kind of beast, not entirely human, not wolf. Maybe they didn't have scents. Maybe I was so flooded with Cade's scent that I couldn't make anything out besides. He pushed my hair back and regripped my face.

"Look at me," he said, his voice softer.

I tried to obey but felt sluggish. Now I wasn't sure if I was dreaming. Maybe all of it was a dream. There hadn't really been anyone in this room, I understood that now. Was I awake? I finally locked my eyes with Cade's.

"There she is," he said. His thumb brushed twice over my cheekbone. "You need to stay in this body."

I knew he meant that I couldn't shift. But the crack of grief that snapped through me at his words—that I had to stay in this body. Trapped in this body. This body that things happened to, this body that couldn't protect itself. A hard tremor shook down my shoulders. I watched Cade take a deep, meaningful breath. I copied him. He took another. I did too.

I could barely see him. Like there was a film of unfocus across my eyes. I dropped them down to his chest and traced my eyes across the leaves and blossoms and vines of the tattoo across his pecks, brushing his collarbone. He swallowed and I watched it bob under the skin. He breathed and I watched the leaves on his skin shimmer.

He brushed another strand of hair back behind my ear. I was so tired. My head hurt with sleepiness. I scrunched my face and rubbed it with my hands. Cade's hands moved to my shoulders, and he started lowering me back against the couch. I snaked my arms around him and pulled myself in, closing my eyes as I tucked in under his chin, clinging to him like a vice. He hesitated, huffed out something like a single laugh. Then his arms wrapped around me, and he picked me up, stood. I coiled in tighter. He laid me down against the back of the couch, pulling my blanket up over me. I didn't open my eyes but gathered it up to hold against me.

The couch shifted and Cade pressed in next to me. We barely fit, both on our sides. One arm went heavy around me, and he pulled me into his chest. I brought the fistfuls of blanket up under my cheek and nestled in against him. I thought I could just feel his fingers stroking and tugging almost imperceptibly through the ends of my hair against my back. I felt him swallow against my forehead.