Red in the Blue

Chapter 4

The note made me smile. I couldn't help it. A ragged, gasping, choking smile before I burst into tears. I sank to the floor there just inside the door, holding the two scraps of paper in my hand. They still smelled faintly of him. I held them to my nose as I cried and sniffled. I carried them into the bedroom with me, and then into the bathroom. They grew limp with humidity while I showered, washed the cold sweat away and the tears and everything else. I carried them back into my room and put them on the bedside table. I went to bed. I went to bed, hoping to sleep, instead distinctly aware of the empty space next to me.

When my alarm went off the next morning, I immediately regretted consciousness. I felt no emotional distance from the events of the previous night, my eyes opening to my mind still mulling things over as if I hadn't slept at all. The slips of paper—now slightly crumpled—were still resting on my bedside table. I rolled onto my back. The fan across the room shifted the air over me. The room felt quiet and still. The bed felt big. Where before I had felt freedom in my space, now I felt emptiness. I felt the absence where someone else should be. Stupid fucking werewolves, I growled at myself. You goddamn simpering... my wolf strained at the confines of my human skin, snapping back at me. But we hadn't been lonely before the universe showed us what we were supposed to be missing.

I went to work and fumed. I gave a tour to an out-of-state artist showing in the gallery the following weekend and helped run a dress rehearsal for some performance artists. I had a lunch meeting with my boss. I unpacked some new pieces in the archive and filed them accordingly. All the while, my wolf pawed and whined inside me, restless, longing. And my mind whirred back through the events of the previous night on a loop. I felt paranoid and scrutinized, scouring every face for a sign of Cade or airport guy. But I didn't see either of them. I thought about texting Cade and asking him to leave me alone but didn't. Because it seemed he was leaving me alone. And because I was afraid of opening the line of communication between us. Afraid of what he'd talk me into.

That night, I went to my neighbor's house with a few others for games. I wanted to be aggressively distracted. I wanted to remind myself what my life had been—how full—before some stranger showed up expecting my companionship.

Eric texted me again from the same unknown number:

Are you going to Veronica's birthday party this weekend?

I blocked the number.

Late, before bed, Veronica texted me. A friend from home, someone I'd known for years but didn't see often anymore. She already knew I wasn't going to her party. I lived too far away. It was only Eric who didn't know that.

omg you met your mate?! What is going on?!

What? How did you hear that?

he's been asking around about you to the other packs. You know about him, right?

Fuck did word travel fast between wolves when the packs coordinated. He'd have a hard time finding anything about me though, chronic rogue that I was.

Know what about him?

He's an alpha, dude

I almost dropped my phone. I sat up in bed and stared blinking at her text. There was no way.

This cannot be happening to me

lololol come on, girl! I know you're all against the establishment but an alpha?! and a smokeshow like that?! we should all be so lucky, I mean

I called her and filled her in, told her what I was feeling, told her how much scarier it was than I had ever expected, told her how much I wanted the life I'd had, the life I'd fought for. When I pictured him, I still had a hard time getting my head around being destined for this man. Yes, part of me yearned for him. But he was still just a stranger. Just some man.