Red in the Blue

Chapter 18

As soon as I was back at James' side and returning to the car, that sense of lightness I had felt briefly in Cade's office started diminishing. I clutched in my hand the form he had asked me to use in completing my statement about what had happened with Eric. I saw James' eyes dart down to it and back up as she rose to leave with me.

"Go okay?" she asked as we buckled ourselves back in.

I was afraid my voice would shake or break, so I didn't answer, just nodded and then turned to lean my forehead against the window.

The drive was quiet.

"Do you want music?" she asked.

"That's okay."

We wove back through the hills. I watched the blur of trees. I would lay in the yard when we got back. I would stand in the grass.

"We can go back to the pool tomorrow," James offered. "Or we could go out to eat. As long as it's at an off-time and we take some precautions. We have some options."

"Isn't tomorrow your last day with me?" I replied without turning.

"Yes."

We turned back toward the city.

"I feel restless," I said. "I feel like I'm coming out of my skin."

James didn't say anything. At the next stoplight, she turned right abruptly into a parking lot and rolled up to a drive thru. We got ice cream.

"Unrelated to this," I said between bites of cookies-and-cream and waffle cone. "Can I request that you get to stay with me longer?"

James looked over at me.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean if you want to. I don't want to keep meeting new people. It's tiring."

James texted Elias before starting the car again to finish the drive home.

I came out of my bedroom late the next day when I heard voices at the front of the house and found Irene in the living room with James. She was in normal clothes instead of scrubs, which I'd never seen before. She jumped up and hugged me and told me how cute I looked in some of the things she'd picked out—which I thanked her profusely for.

"I came by to see how you're doing! Heard yesterday kinda sucked."

"It was alright," I conceded. "It was nice of you to come by though, it's great to see you. Even just two people in the house instead of three feels really different."

"Oh?" she perched on the arm of the loveseat. James stayed seated on the couch, and I stood behind it, leaning forward against the back.

"What's it been like?"

I tilted my head and glanced between them, from one straight face to the other. Irene's hair was split into two braids as she'd done with mine before, and she wore large gold hoops and had dark lipstick on. Her nails had been done since the last time I'd seen her and were now swirls of red and orange like a lava lamp. She wore short denim shorts and a purple top falling off one shoulder.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Like how have things been, how was your meeting with Cade? You don't have to get into the specifics of anything but like how are you feeling about it all?"

I narrowed my eyes and looked straight over at James. Then I looked back at Irene.

"Is this a friendly visit or a mental health check?"

"Girl, it's my day off. I just wanted to come by. James and I thought we could go to the pool or something, have a little day. What sounds fun?"

My mouth twisted to the side, and my hands tightened over the back of the couch. I knew they were trying to be kind. I knew they were trying to make sure I was okay. But everyone was talking around me, about me, making decisions, making plans. I was literally fine now, just being forced to live as if I weren't. I wondered who had asked Irene to check up on me, Cade or James. It didn't seem like something James would notice. But she had stopped for ice cream the night before.