Red in the Blue

Chapter 22

I bought a ticket for a flight out the following afternoon, arranged for my neighbor to pick me up, and told Liz I'd be back and made plans to see her the next weekend when she could drive up to me, but I never made it as far as the airport.

James and I packed up the remaining food for her to take. We stripped sheets and towels and started the wash. My bag wasn't quite big enough for all my acquisitions since arriving in New Haven, so after a lot of attempted maneuvering, I brought what I could fit, and James agreed to ship the rest.

"I'm going to miss you," I said. "Imagine living alone again after being babysat all this time. I won't know what to do with all the solitude."

"I'm sure you'll find a way to get by," James grinned. She was wiping down the stove while I resituated bags of supplies she'd take with her in the middle of the table.

"Do you think you'll stay in contact?" She asked me. It was a weighty question, and a pointed one, but not the way she asked it. She was curious, like she didn't have a vested interest.

I straightened and looked at her profile as she continued cleaning.

"I'm honestly not sure." I had been thinking of almost nothing else since Cade had told me I could go home the night before. And each time, I came to the same conclusion.

"I don't think I will," I admitted. "You're Cade's first. His friends, his enforcers. We were forced together so strangely. And I really can't say how much I appreciate you and the way you took care of me. Everyone. But...I think it's something that would fizzle anyway. I don't intend to come back here."

She caught my eye and nodded, smiled.

"I thought the same thing. Just weird circumstances really."

"I won't tell Irene that, though. I think she wants to add me on Instagram."

We both laughed.

"I'll probably do it. Let it fizzle naturally. I just knew you could handle the truth."

Her smile widened.

"You can add me on socials too, of course," I added. "We can play the same little game. Knowing we'll never talk again. But I'd be happy to see...how things go."

"And Cade?" James pulled another wipe from the container and started in on the sink.

"I don't think Cade and I need to keep tabs on each other," I said carefully.

"You really don't think you'll ever change your mind? Like when you're ready to be in a relationship again."

"I don't know," I said honestly. "But it wouldn't be fair to keep him on hold now. And I only know what I want now. It's really no different than if we'd never found each other. It's not as if we can't be happy with anyone else. My parents weren't true mates and they're happy."

James didn't say anything, but I didn't feel judged. She seemed to ask me things as more of a researcher, a sociologist. She wouldn't tell me what to do like Liz or Irene might. I was going to miss her. And Irene. And Elias. They were trying to meet us at the airport to say goodbye. This time I was flying directly out of New Haven—no need for an hour-long drive to get to the airport. No one had mentioned Cade. Though he'd offered to drive me, I figured that was more a gesture than anything else. James had already said she would be my ride.

I felt a flinch in my chest as we drove through town. I had barely seen any of it while I was there, but something about it hummed for me. I reasoned that it was probably just the phenomenon of being around so many other shifters. Maybe I would pursue it when I got back, vacation with a pack near me, learn more about myself. I basically cosplayed as a mortal human. Maybe I stood to benefit from embracing the other half of me more.

We stopped at a gas station for James to fill up the car, and I convinced her to let me go in for the bathroom unescorted. I could see her leaning against the trunk of the car, an ear to the gas nozzle and both eyes on me through the clear windows of the storefront. The sign for the bathroom led to an empty, white hallway that had, for no reason I could understand, multiple corners before the bathrooms and, further down, showers at the back for truckers. Standing at the bathroom sink, I combed through my hair with my fingers and stood for a minute bargaining with the discomfort in my stomach, the unease I was feeling about leaving New Haven. I was sure it was just the logistics of travel. Airports. Flying. Soon, I would be home, and life would resume, known and predictable. I thought about what my neighbor, Noelle, and I might grab for dinner on our way home, let myself focus on the comfort of an assured good meal. Maybe Italian. Maybe Chinese.

I stepped out of the bathroom, the heavy door swooshing shut behind me, and made my way back through the hallway, around the first corner—and then, like a long blink, I blacked out.

A/N: Thanks for your patience between chapters this time; I had some company staying with me and didn't have much time to write. More is coming! I appreciate everyone who's reading and engaging; glad you're here!