Juliet
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I was an idiot.
I'd never really thought of myself as stupid before, I'd actually been pretty smart until recently.
The Red Room didn't slack with most things and education, while it was for the wrong reasons, was taken seriously.
I wasn't usually so stupid.
Making out with Bucky for an hour last night though, that had been stupid. So fucking stupid.
It was more stupid to think I'd done it for any other reason beyond whatever Hydra or the Red Room had done to us.
A part of me, deep down, wanted to protest that thought, reject it because it hadn't been the only reason but I pushed it back down as far as it would go.
"I can hear you thinking." Bucky's voice startled me, making me flinch.
"No you can't." I rolled my eyes behind my eyelids.
Because while it had been stupid, and idiotic, and regrettable, it hadn't been awkward, I had to fight with myself not to admit how much I'd not hated it, how much fun I'd had, how much I liked the feeling of Bucky's hand slowly circling patterns into my stomach as his lips pressed against mine. The way his teeth grazing my neck had taken my breath away.
And I had to admit to myself that I would have taken it further, I wouldn't have stopped at kissing, had Bucky not finally, after that hour, pulled back and pointed out if we didn't stop we would have ended up naked, making a bigger mistake.
And whatever fucked up shit they'd done to us, made it so I couldn't run out the room, or kick him out of my room and regret what I'd done in peace, because I needed to sleep, and he needed to sleep, and we couldn't seem to accomplish that on our own. So I'd woken up wrapped in his arm again, having to regret my choices and doubt everything about my sanity with him breathing softly underneath me.
"I can not only feel you thinking, I can hear exactly what you're thinking." He said again.
"What?" I sat bolt upright, pushing off his chest and stared down at him, I could feel my cheeks burning. "You can hear what I'm thinking?" This couldn't be happening, what had they done to us?
"Not literally, no." He pushed his lips together, I could see he was trying hard not to laugh at my reaction. He lost it when I frowned at him though, cheeks reddening further.
"You're an asshole." I swatted his chest, shaking my head at him, but I couldn't stop myself from joining in, the way he looked so much younger, so much more open as he laughed.
I got the feeling it was a rare sight, I knew around me it was, but from what Cam had told me, Wanda and Peter, it was a rare thing for him to even be happy, let alone laugh uncontrollably.
I hated that it made me happy.
"What were you thinking about to make you blush like that?" He asked through his laugh.
"Nothing at all to do with you if that's what you're thinking." I lied, scrunching my nose at him and pushing further away from him.
"You're lying." He raised his right brow at me, "I can feel that you are." He shook his head.
"Oh no, fuck this, get up, get up now, we're telling Tony right now, he is fixing this mess." I pushed his side, trying to push him from my bed.
"I'm only moving if you tell me what you were thinking about." He laughed again.
"You tell me what you were thinking about?" I folded my arms across my chest in defence.
"About the way your nipples got hard last night when your chest was pushed against me." He titled his head, as if he was letting his thoughts go back there again.
