Dark Secrets

13

Shreshtha had to make two trips to the MBA institute in Udaipur. Once for the group discussion and interview and the second time ,for her admission procedure. Both times,Yuvansh accompanied her.

He had shifted to Lucknow  by the time Shreshtha cracked the CAT.

What intrigued her more than the MBA admision procedure was that even though they put up at the same hotel, Yuvansh booked then inti two separate rooms. Although Shreshtha cudgelled her brains, she could not come up with a satisfactory explanation. Yuvansh was her boyfriend after all. Even if he shared a room ,or a bed,with her,she wouldn't have complained. They had made love so many times. If it happened one more time,how did it matter? On the contrary,she would have loved it. It would have given her that domestic feel:living with the one you love, registering his quirks and eccentricities, noticing little things about him which perhaps even he wasn't aware of and thereby knowing him spool bye spool. Lying on her hotel room bed she wondered whether the incident in Dharamsala still rankled  him. She didn't voice her doubts to him,however. Then ,she asked herself the ultimate question: if she had discovered that yuvansh had cheated on her,what would she have done? Her first instinct would be to scratch,claw and mutilate the other woman. Then,perhaps, she would kill Yuvansh. But what did he do? Told her that he would respect her happiness above all even if being unfaithful to him was what made her happy. The very thought made her feel about two inches tall. Here was a person who was making her live out the best love story there could ever be and what did she do? She swore to herself that she wouldn't ever put herself in any situation that compromised her feelings for him. And if he was maintaining a distance because of the hurt,he had the right to. Or so she concluded. She would give him time and space,Shreshtha decided, but that didn't mean she won't much about it herself. How could she heal him if he was already deeply hurt, but wasn't telling her about it? It was a conundrum for which she could not find an answer.

Shreshtha shifted into the girl's hostel on a room- sharing basis as soon as the admission procedure was over. Her roommate was Shraddha. She was from Indore and had a peculiar penchant for homeopathy pills for any and every real ir imaginary ailment. She believed everything that happened in her life,however inconsequential, was because it wanted to make her sick. So,she had medicines for everything.

'You're so lucky,'said Shraddha at their first meeting,'your brother is so caring. My brother didn't even come to drop me off. I travelled all bye myself from Indore. Could not even go to the loo. It was so pathetic. I would have caught some urinary tract infection for sure.'
It took a few seconds for Shreshtha to realize that Shraddha was referring to Yuvansh.
'Excuse me! He isnt my brother. He's my boyfriend.'
Shraddha gave her an incredulous look. 'Damn,he must live you very much. I haven't seen a boyfriend do so much. If i'm not wrong ,he was there during your group discussion as well. Wasn't he?'
'He was'.
'If not the brother bit,at least I got the "lucky" part right ,' she laughed and swallowed a few pills from a small bottle.
'What are those for?'
'To avoid indigestion from the canteen food here.'
They were yet to check out the canteen. Shreshtha was baffled about the girl's intake of medication in anticipation of an aliment. She decided she had to prepare herself mentally because she had to live with this strange girl for the next two years.
Being in a new city, meeting new people and getting into a new schedule made her look forward to life in a different way. Suddenly, Shreshtha's life was filled with sleepless nights because of assignments, late night beer parties in dorms,attending lectures and making presentations. She became part of the college's literary society. Although there were a few male batch mates and seniors who showed an interest in her,after what happened in Dharamshala,she was extra careful with boys. She had a phrase ready to keep them at arm's length:'I'm deeply committed to someone.'
Everytime she said that to a guy,she felt virtuous and happy. It was only now,busy as she was with her studies,that she understood why Yuvansh,who always told her he had work,wasn't available on the telephone most of the time. They usually connected during the night on the telephone for a half-hour chat after she was done with her assignments and when Yuvansh was also free. She contacted her parents almost daily,updating them with her everyday happenings.
One night,when she emerged from her shower before retiring to bed, she came into the room and found Shraddha reading her diary. She snatched it from her hand,' where are your manners ,girl? You're not supposed to read someone's personal diary,'Shreshtha snapped.
'I know,im sorry,but I could not stop myself. It was open and it was about.....' Shraddha trailed off, looking embarrassed. Shreshtha had forgotten to close her diary before going into the shower. One of her favourite pastimes was to re-read the diary entries where she's written about Yuvansh and their lovemaking before stepping into the shower and imagining it in all its pleasurable details. Fortunately, or unfortunately, she could not rely on her memory for these minutiae. Her imagination was her only way to relive those intimate moments.
'Your boyfriend is damn creative.' Shraddha said.
Shreshtha sensed the glumness in her voice. Shraddha had a long-distance boyfriend, a corporate lawyer who lived in Chennai. She hadn't seen him even once during the three months of their time here in the hostel.
'As if you guys have never done it', Shreshtha retorted, still holding on to the diary.
'We have. But it's not half as exciting as yours. Moreover he never brushes before smooches. It always makes me wonder how much bacteria I am consuming in one kiss.'
Shreshtha wanted to laugh betu checked herself as she listened to Shraddha continue,'Ummm,what do I do to get him to change positions and try different stuff? He is so stuck doing just the one.'
'I've no idea! Ive never urged Yuvansh for such things. It just happened naturally,' Shreshtha replied, but in her heart, she realised that she didn't remember any of those 'exciting' experiences either,although she had written it all down. She put  the diary in her wardrobe and locked it securely.
She heard Shraddha say, ' But sex isnt everything, right?'
If Sanam had been here, Shreshtha thought to h3rself,she would have surely commented that that depended on how much sex one was getting. But Shreshtha merely nodded in agreement.
'Although he hasnt come to me here, and I do miss the sex part a bit, he did take me to meet his parents once. They were really nice. When a boy introduces a girl to his parents,it's a sure sign that he is serious about the relationship.'
Shreshtha had switched off the lights in her section of the room. As she lay there,darkness shrouding half her body,she wondered why Yuvansh hadn't introduced her to his parents. She could not remember clearly whether he had told her about them or if she had even met them. As soon as Shraddha fell asleep that night. Shreshtha took out her diary and opened it to the only entry where his parents were mentioned.