Dark Secrets

9

There was a possibility that her parents didn't know exactly when she and Yuvansh had become a couple. As soon an Vinaya  left, Shreshtha did two things.
First, she re-read a few specific entries from her diary especially the one in which she had written about introducing Yuvansh to her parents.

Dear diary,

Today is an important day in my life. The two words I love to death collided today. I was apprehensive about my parents meeting Yuvansh. What if they disapproved of my choice? I wasn't doubting my choice,but you know how it is. I dont want to live with a person whom my parents dislike. Not as plan A ,at least. In fact,I did express my misgivings to Yuvansh. Perhaps this wasn't the right time. He told me that when one is doing the right thing,the time too is right. Honestly, it was the conviction in his eyes that I relied on. Actually,I thought i would first let my parents know that i have a boyfriend, lay the groundwork and gauge their reaction before actually making the introduction in person. But the way papa and Yuvansh got along was a treat to behold. Though he is a famous writer but still here it was the meeting of a father and his daughter's boyfriend, so war was expected. I'm so happy today. I hope life goes on like this always.

The date of the entry told her that it was a good five months after her first date with Yuvansh. Her parents would never have known whether she had been single or not during the time period that Vinaya  had mentioned.

Second,she decided to speak to Sanam. She called her right after checking the diary entry.

'When did i first tell you about Yuvansh?'she asked without preamble.
Sanam was taken aback bye abruptness.

'Don't tell me you don't remember that as well', Sanam stalled. She had been told by  Shreshtha's family about her amnesia after the 'incident'. However,Sanam herself wasn't aware of the exact details of the incident.

'Just answer me',Shreshtha prompted her impatiently.
'It was the night before you were supposed to go and meet him,and the "incident" took place.'

Shreshtha knew that Sanam didn't know about the accident. But why would anyone conceal an accident and tell people it was a 'bad' incident ,she wondered. And not for the first time.

'So, is it possible that i was in a relationship with Yuvansh and nobody knew about it?' Shreshtha articulated the point that was bothering her.
'At least I didn't ,because we weren't as close back then as we are now',Sanam replied.

Shreshtha fell silent. First the colour goof up, then this. Was she under some influence while she was penning her own diary entries? She wondered.
'Helloooo, are you still there?'

'The reason why I could not come to your place this evening was that Vinaya had come home for a visit.'

Sanam took sometime before she said ,'Vinaya Krishnan? She left right after college. What's up with her?'

'She's getting married', Shreshtha said.
'Damn ,what's wrong with her?' Sanam sounded flummoxed.
'What's wrong with a girl getting married?'
'Yeah , true. Not that i give a fuck what Vinaya Krishnan does or doesn't. Although i'm not really surprised that she came over to invite you ,and not me. You guys were pretty thick in college.'

Now that she heard her bestie say it,it was a confirmation that perhaps Vinaya and she had been very close. So, Vinaya wouldn't have lied about the other things either. Although Vinaya's narrative didn't quite fit in with the timelines in her diary. She remembered what Vinaya had said when she had asked ,'Why didn't you stay in touch with me?'

'I was told by your parents that something bad had happened to you and that you needed to rest. '
'Anyway ,forget all that,'Shreshtha heard Sanam say,'I need your help. I'll come over to your place tomorrow and pet you know what this is about.'

'That's fine but i have another question'.
'What's with you today?'
'Shut up and answer me. Was I preparing for the Common Admission Test ( CAT) when the accident happened?'
'Accident?'
'I mean where the bad "incident" that happened to me'.
'Yes,of course. We had discussed where we should get our course materials from and then had ordered them together. I finally say for the CAT last year while you were convalescing but scored miserably.' The last part was said in a guilt -ridden tone of voice.
'Hold on', Shreshtha said, rummaging through her desk and shelves. There was not a single course material for CAT there.
She asked her parents about it during dinner as soon as her father was back.

'You were the one who asked us to sell them off because you weren't able to sit for CAT that year,' said her father. ''You said that a new set comes out each year'.

That made sense , unlike some of the other things,Shreshtha thought to herself and carried on with her dinner quitely, oblivious to the concerned glance that her parents exchanged.
That night , she had an acute urge to talk to Yuvansh,but her message to him kept bouncing and she could not contact him. An hour later, it reached him ,and he telephoned her.

'Hey, Ranisa,' he said the moment she answered his call.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'Just got done with work. How is it going at your end?'
She could never decipher his feelings over the telephone. His tone was always controlled and constant.
'A friend of mine visited me today. Vinaya. She's getting married.'
'That's nice.'
'It made me think about how my friends from college have moved on in life. I checked my Facebook. Everyone is up to something or the other.'
'And.....'
'I want to study management. I was anyway preparing for the CAT  earlier. I think it will not only help me with the café,but also give me some much needed exposure to the world beyond.' It was something she had been trying to tell Yuvansh for quite some time. Her life- home-cafe-home- was excruciatingly monotonous. And now that she knew her friends were all moving on with their lives, there was no reason for her to do the same. She had recuperated from the accident as well.
'I'll get you all the material in a few days,' Yuvansh said. This was another thing that always amazed her. He never asked question or argued or refused her anything. But on the flip side,there were times when she wanted him to squabble. She felt that it would help her get a handle on their relationship. She wanted him to question her sometimes and tell her that her idea was bullshit, even if it wasn't. But that just wasn't to be with her boyfriend. On some level,she was happy about this as well. Sanam would always tell her what a pain-in -the-ass her ex boyfriend, Varun,had become,thrusting his choices on her all the time and never allowing her to do anything without subjecting her to a grand inquisition. Sanam once joked after her breakup that leaving Varun felt like she had walked out of,not a relationship, but an interrogation room.
Shreshtha and Yuvansh talked  for a few more minutes and they were about to end the call when Shreshtha asked impulsively,
'Can I ask you something wierd?'
'Anything'.
'Don't you ever feel like asking for my nude selfies?or am I not that attractive enough for that?'
'We used to-' Yuvansh began.
But Shreshtha spontaneously cut the call as a spark of excitement zinged  through her. In the next two minutes,she clicked a couple of nude selfies and sent them to him.
Yuvansh deleted them without even looking at them once.
He replied:

NICE!

The monosyllabic,lacklusture response made Shreshtha wonder if he didn't like them.

SORRY. WAS THAT DREADFULLY REPREHENSIVE OF ME? WHEN SANAM TOLD ME THAT SHE DID IT WITH HER BOYFRIEND, I MERELY WANTED TO EXPERIENCE IT MYSELF. WAS IT VERY WRONG?

NO, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. IT'S NORMAL. DON'T WORRY. SOME WORK HAS COME UP AT MY END. LET ME CALL YOU TOMORROW?

DONE.GOODNIGHT,MY LOVE.

GOODNIGHT, RANISA.

Yuvansh wasn't busy working. He had set up camp with a tent and campfire by the river close to the Srivastava house. This was where he spent his nights whenever he was in Tosh. He lay on his sleeping bag, sipping from a bottle of wine and listening to a voice on loop on his phone.

Hurry up. Don't keep me waiting, Thakur sahab. Come to me soon.

He flicked his cigarette ash on the freshly excoriated wound on his arm. He wasn't smoking the cigarette; he used it to sustain the masochism which increased his appreciation of the soulful voice. Pain wasn't a by-product of his love for her. Pain was the reason why love happened. And remained forever young.