Not Your Cinderella

Chapter 6 - Part 2: Unremembering

When she'd asked to go back to her room to sort out her stuff before the evening, Felix had come with her. He sat on the bed as she bustled around hanging up her dress in the wardrobe and unpacking her make-up and shower things. 

Their chat had strayed onto the topic of their plans for after university—no—Felix had asked her about her plans directly, now she thought about it. Jess recalled with slight embarrassment that she'd launched into a monologue about her big plan. To her, the plan wasn't a mutable thing, it was solid. Her plans weren't dreams, they were certain. When she'd talked about how long she needed to save for a mortgage, where she hoped to buy a house, and how soon her dad would be able to stop work, Felix had looked at her with a kind of amused concern. 

The look snapped Jess out of her vision and she'd suddenly felt vulnerable and defensive. Her demanded, "What?" had made Felix reach for her hand.

He'd said, "I'm impressed with your practicality, I really am. I don't doubt for a minute that you could make all of that happen. But where are you in all those plans? You talk about work and a mortgage and in your dad's comfort—what about yours? Aren't you going to live a bit before you get shackled by a mortgage and whatever? What about fun?"

Jess had thought then of her dad's split hands in winter as she rubbed O'Keefe's into them, and how often he fell asleep as soon as he sat in front of the TV after dinner. Fun? she'd thought. Surely, fun was moments snatched from life as it happened. How would you plan fun? Fun was when your colleagues made you laugh by getting an impression of a grumpy customer spot-on. It was an occasional night at the pub or someone's birthday or a trip to her aunts. She looked at Felix confused and then recalled all the pictures and videos from his two months in Greece. It was a moment of understanding.

Felix had had two months of fun. A solid two months of carefree fun. And she'd understood suddenly that Felix didn't know what her life was like, what fun was like for her. How could he? Fun cost money or time, both were equally scarce for her, but neither were for him. Jess had looked at Felix's concerned face for the first time with jealousy. Not for herself, for her dad. She could've voiced her thoughts to Felix, discussed this concept as they had so many other things before. This time, though, she'd huffed out a laugh, taken his face between her hands and kissed him on the nose. The moment passed.

He'd stayed while she showered and had even sat next to the dressing table to watch her apply make-up. He'd been intrigued by her admission that she needed to follow a YouTube tutorial as she was so useless with makeup. Felix had looked genuinely surprised and said that it was the first time he'd ever known Jess not to be able to do something well. He'd even applied her blusher for her. Then he'd left to get ready himself, and she'd put on her dress before doing her hair.

Now, she looked down at the nettle rash and considered the little disappointments of life and the unreliability of fiction.

When she looked back to the dressing table she noticed the velvet box her dad had given her. Her hand went to it automatically and she caressed its mottled surface. It opened with a creak. Nestled inside she found a silver chain with a single sparkling droplet at the centre. She didn't know if it was a real diamond but that didn't matter.

 The light refracted from it sent snowdrops onto the walls around her and speckled her face. But Jess saw none of that. She'd been thrown back into another world. It flashed in front of her now filling her with snapshots of her mother's broken smile over the heads of nurses. The memories were flooded with the smell of vomit. The smell of a burst colostomy bag. Of her mother's eyes fluttering in troubled sleep. Of the half moons in her nails as Jess stroked her hand. Of dread. Of unspoken horror. Of hope extinguished.

The box snapped shut with a snap and that world was back where it should be. Unremembered.

She heard a knock at her door and jumped. 

Felix came in. He was in black tie and he looked like a stranger. His face was freshly shaven and glowed, his hair was neat. Jess noticed, as if for the first time, the sharp line of his jaw, his straight nose, how startlingly blue his eyes were, and how much otherworldly beauty he had. She felt the urge to turn away, to mask her confusion and the creeping sense of intimidation she always felt around the beautiful, but she stopped herself.

With a bright smile, she said, " Ah, Mr Bond, I've been expecting you."

Felix's smile split his face and he offered his arm to her. "Ms Carter, would you do me the honour of accompanying me to the ball?" 

Jess laughed and he added, "But first we're going to the library, my mother and father are mixing cocktails before everything kicks off. Ava and Bella are there too. They're all dying to meet you."

And then Jess's smile became a little fixed, and she experienced the same sick feeling she'd had in the school foyer over a year ago when someone had passed her the brown envelope containing her A-level results.