Ti soleil ↠ Roman Reigns

Chapter Forty-Two

"Honestly, I'm not going to lie and say everything is perfect now between Joe and me because it's not. There are times I look at him and think how could you do this to me, to us but I have to remember I chose to stay and by staying that means I chose to move on from what he did and I can't keep throwing it in his face or making myself upset over it. Because I knew I was never going anywhere in the first place, I was just angry," Fahayra explained.

Kandi raised an eyebrow.

"You never were going to leave. What?" Kandi asked confused.

"Maybe this is me being petty or insane but I was upset he cheated but I was just reacting the way everyone wanted me to react to him cheating like once I got the anger out of my system. I realized it wasn't about him cheating. It was about how he ruined the image I created of our life. Perfect family, perfect life. The life I felt like we worked so hard to create was destroyed. I was forced to face the reality of how I had many expectations for myself and him. Does that make sense to you?" Fahayra explained to Kandi.

"So you were more mad he crushed your fairytale life than him cheating on you for a couple of years," Kandi said.

"Yup," Fahayra said.

"Damn, our parents did a number on us because I think I get what you're saying like maybe that's why I'm mad. We tried to create the life we didn't get with our parents and now that life ended up the same way, we're mad," Kandi said.

"Exactly!" Fahayra exclaimed.

Kandi nods.

"You do love him, right?" Fahayra asked her.

"Yes, but that has nothing to do with what's happening right now," Kandi protested. "At this point, I feel like I would be doing an injustice to our kids if I didn't at least try to fight for our family," Kandi explained.

"I hate to say it but fuck the kids, Kandi, this is about you and how you feel. Don't fight something you don't want just to keep your family," Fahayra said.

"Well damn," Kandi said.

"What? I'm just saying that's how you have to be to figure out what you want," Fahayra said.

"Honestly, I don't know how long it's gonna take me to forgive Joshua because if we get back together, it has to be real. Because what I'm not gonna do is have my kids be in a house with fake love. Whether it takes six months, whether it takes a year, or whatever amount of time, I'm gonna take my time," Kandi said.

"Exactly, everything is on your time," Fahayra said.

At couples therapy, Kandi shared her conversation with Fahayra with Joshua and their therapist. The therapist commented Kandi and her sisters needed therapy for their childhood trauma.

Once again, Joshua apologized for his mistake of cheating on her.

"It's not a mistake," Kandi corrected him. "A mistake, to me, is like, take the wrong exit. You don't make a mistake and meet with someone and cheat," Kandi added.

"We had a rough pregnancy, all the way from start to finish," Joshua countered. "Sex during pregnancy is nothing like what a man wants to do," He added.

"So, you cheated because I wasn't giving you sex the way you want me to," Kandi said.

Kandi pointed out that she had seen inappropriate texts on Joshua's phone after the baby was born, to which he responded that was also a mistake and he shouldn't have been entertaining another woman.