Jay Centric

Tattoo - Heejay

Heejay cuz too much Jayhoon can hurt your feelings,  so I am hurting you with a different ship

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Heeseung rolled in his bed, tired and feeling run over, he hadn't gotten any sleep, again, spending his night busying himself with the phone, scrolling up and down, then staring at the ceiling for the rest of the night, hoping the sleeping fairy will have some mercy and bid him a visit, sprinkling her dust here and there and heeseung will be able to get his much-needed sleep without waking up all sweaty, run over, or with a terrible pain in his chest.

He ran his hand over his hair, losing hope in getting any extra minutes after the stolen half an hour he forced himself to sleep at dusk.

He ruffled his hair, still lying in bed, and brought to the front few strands between his fingers, looking at his plain black hair, soft and straight, it looked healthier and already recovered from the heavy bleaching. It looked like it always did, the hair he was used to seeing on his head

Well, a little bit longer...

He landed the strand on his face, huffing it up while planning to get a haircut, maybe a whole makeover even.

In the middle of his thoughts, he felt a buzzing next to him, seconds after, before he could even reach for his phone, his alarm was blasting in his ear, he squeezed his eyes shut, as if that would do anything to the booming sound, and reached for his phone, swiping randomly on the screen until the sound was gone. He sighed in relief and brought his arm to cover his eye, he had to wake up now and go about his day

His eyes traced the long red line on his arm, looking more like a scar than a thin thread, expanding all over his arm, and ending up wrapped like a bow on his pinky, he shouldn't have gone the extra mile and extended the tattoo on his arm. He even thinks that he shouldn't have gotten this tattoo in the first place, how humiliating it was for him to explain that he had the red string of fate tattoed on him, for a guy who recently broke up with him over nothing but being different

Well, it wasn't recent, Heeseung knows that, and he knows that it wasn't over nothing either, but it felt better to say it this way, that's how he coped with the burning sensation inside of his heart for the first few weeks, but then the weeks extended and became months, soon to be a year. The burning sensation never left him, and he never found the power within himself to change his narrative, to accept what it actually was

He dragged his feet across the apartment, avoiding staring for longer than a few seconds at any corner, afraid of the ghosts of the past coming after him, dragging him deeper into his sadness, forcing him to deny what is now an established truth.

He and Jay broke up, 10 months ago

Soon after freshening up, he slipped into his clothes and left, as if escaping something, he knew he was holding onto the last strands of scent Jay had left behind, thinking that if he didn't stay home, and nobody entered, he could keep all the happy memories enclosed inside, preventing them from slipping through the cracks of his broken heart

Life shouldn't be this unfair, he thought, he never asked for much, just a stable life, a normal one where he could pass by his boyfriend's workplace, who at the times wished him to be even more than a boyfriend, walk back home hand in hand, smiling to each other and chatting, telling all the things that had happened to him today, how much he thought about him today, how much he missed him

He still does, he could never stop missing him

In Heeseung's ideal life, he would end his day sharing the warmth of his bed with who he thought was his soulmate, and he would wake up to his sleeping face, he wanted them to have breakfasts together, bicker over small things but still head to work with the biggest smiles, holding hands, he wished he can always sneak out of work to "kidnap" Jay, taking him to the same place they met in the first place, having a peaceful lunch together, exchanging loving eyes