The Potions Master and I

Chapter 39

It was now September. Summer had come and gone, and I had finally been reunited with my potion master for several months. Spending the month of July without all of the students was heavenly, we got so much quality time together. After our special joining several months back, my soul had felt a stronger link to his, like a rope was connecting us, our emotions flowing back and forth, strengthening our relationship. It was odd to know what he was feeling, but it was so reassuring to see he was happy and relaxed, a completely different man than when we first started working together. He was still Severus, with his sass and his wit, disciplining students with a terrifying iron fist. But he was no longer lonely and depressed and it filled me with joy to know I could help him in the right ways.

I continued to see the looks people sent his way. The professors seemed baffled by his change in demeanor. He was still very antisocial and unapproachable, but he surprised many with his lack of snappy comments or dismissals when being spoken to. I even saw him engage in conversations with his colleagues, though it looked like it pained him to do so.

I had stayed consistent in making more time for others, writing to my parents often, and socializing with the apprentices. Cedric seemed much happier, though I often caught him looking at Severus with an odd expression on his face. I tried my best to ignore it and his affections for me which he seemed to be making clearer by the day. While he scowled at Severus, he gazed at me with admiration that made me want to curl up and cry. If he knew what I was doing he would hate me. I didn't deserve such a kind friend. I didn't deserve his desire.

One night we were studying quietly in our room, sprawled on the floor with books and notes surrounding us. We'd chat now and then, but we were so focused that all you could hear was the flickering of the candles. Until I felt a hand suddenly yank the hair away from my neck.

"What is that?" Cedric yelled, his voice that was typically so gentle taking on an outraged tone.

"What?" I gasped, taken aback by his abrupt action.

"Is that a hickey?" I could barely meet his eyes as I looked up to see pure anger and hurt.

"What?" That was all I could say. The cold shock of panic was coursing through me, the nightmare of my affair being discovered rendering my mind to mush.

"Are you sleeping with someone?" Cedric drew back, sitting upright. "Iris please."

"No!" I snapped back, finally coming to my senses. "No you dunce, I just burned my neck while curling my hair this morning. I tried out a new spell to heat my wand." I laid a hand over my neck, embarrassment and shame at having to lie joining the anxiety in my gut. Severus had been bitting and kissing my throat earlier and we must have forgotten about it in our haste. How could I have been so stupid?

"Are you telling me the truth?" Cedric asked so sternly it scared me.

"Yes. Now would you please drop it, you startled me!" His eyes narrowed and it made me so mad. How dare he get so upset?"Don't look at me like that. What I do with other people is none of your business anyway." I regretted the words as soon as they came out of my mouth. Speaking in anger was always a mistake. He was supposed to be my friend, of course, he would be concerned.

The way his face fell made me cover my own. Tears burned my eyes as I took several deep breaths, trying to calm myself.

"I'm sorry Cedric, I shouldn't have said such a thing." His silence had me folding in on myself.

"Oh no, please Iris, I'm so sorry." He crawled to me, pulling me to him and enveloping me in his arms.

Why couldn't this feel right? Why couldn't it have been Cedric, a handsome and bright wizard whom I could really have a future with? I felt so guilty, not just because I couldn't give this to him, not just because I was lying to him, but because it felt so wrong to deny my feelings for Severus. Sometimes it was fun to treat it like a dirty little secret, but moments like this broke my heart.